February 2nd, 2005


After All These Years...

Dear Heartbreaker,

Hey, it's me again. After three years I finally realized how much I meant to you...very little. You tried to act all hurt, like you were in as much pain as I was. But you broke up with me! You're the one that ended it! Sure, you said it was because I was leaving. You said you didn't trust long distance relationships. And I believed you. I needed to believe you. But now, after all this time, I have finally realized the truth. You never cared. If you did, it wouldn't have mattered that I was leaving. You would have atleast wanted to try. You knew I would have been there every weekend just to be with you. But that's not what you wanted. You wanted someone you could be with whenever you wanted. That's why you dated me isn't it? Out of convenience? It was never about love, or even feelings. It was about me being there when you wanted me to. It was about you having a make-out buddy and calling it your girlfriend. But I was too blind to see it. You blinded me for three years. I kept thinking, that even after we broke up that you still cared, that you had never stopped. Truth is, you never began. If you had cared you would have been there for me when I needed you. You wouldn't have told me you loved me then gone back to her. You wouldn't keep trying to get back with me, only to break my heart once again...

The Girl Who Just Began to See

for him

To my no-longer Master:

:lost master:
tied me down
bound me tight
cut back my breathing
took my sight-
or taped
i was yours
no matter how much i begged
-you never let me go-
and now im up
my wrists are bare
i can breath too easy
my eyes free to stare-
no bites
no whips
no lust
no master
no longer yours
no matter how much i begged
-you let me go-



...and if you can get to sleep tonight
that's more than i can say
and you're making better time
if you can make it through the day
and until you cry yourself awake
from a sleep that never came
you'll never know the pain of burns
from a heart's own dying flame...

Happy anniversary, my love.

  • Current Mood
    melancholy disconsolate

(no subject)

Dear Friend

I dont feel like your friend anymore...I dont know whats going on. Kinda makes me wonder if we ever were really friends or if I was just a nice person to talk to while you were fighting with Brooke. I dont know. I never see you. Never talk to you...maybe I'm just being dumb

Love, Brandy
  • Current Music
    "I'm Not Okay (I Promise)" by My Chemical Romance
  • xx_binx

(no subject)

Dear self,
Please stop being so emotional about everything that happens to you.. Stop being scared of stupid things.. You're not going to die on an airplane.. And lastly.. Stop being so attached.. You don't have to be with him all the time. He knows you love him, it's all that matters.

(no subject)

Dear D,

STOP IT! Quit hitting on me. I don't like you like that. I liked being friends but now you are just making me feel awkward. I don't love you and I never will. I am sorry if I sound rude, but it is really bothering me. I only love {and will always only love} one guy. Let me live and die alone in peace. You are way better off without me anyway. Please, stop hitting on me.


(no subject)

dear you-
you have hurt me so bad. you tore out my heart and smeared it in my face. talking to your friends is only making things worse. but i have no other friends. so deal with it. oh and dissing andrew doesn't make you "cool". it makes you a jerk.

so why do i still like you?? don't ask me. i don't know either. maybe i'm just insecure. yeah. that's it.

all i know is that if you want me back, you know that i will be here.

hawthorne heights seem to sum it up pretty well:

so cut my wrists and black my eyes
so i can fall asleep tonight {or die}
because you kill me
you know you do, you kill me well
you like it too, and i can tell

i wish it didn't have to be like this. i would give anything to go back into the past and just live november 19th over and over and over again. i still love you...