January 3rd, 2005

&i'll keep my jealousy close... cause its all mine.


"Your life will be filled with sunshine."

Considering the fact that you are my sunshine, &that is our song. Uhm.. idk.
My heart basically melted when i read it on my Jones Soda cap.
A sign? Maybe. But you know me just as well enough to know that i am always looking for signs...
This one kinda kicked me in the ass.

I kept telling myself over&over in my head,
well how come you havent left my mind or heart yet?
Its been almost 5 months damnit. &i still feel like trying.
Give me something to tell myself that your just not worth it.

Oh, &i dont think i told you this, or i ever will.
But i did make out with that one boy you specifically told me to stay away from, that if i ever did make out him, youd never talk to me again.
No matter how much i hate to say it, i am sorry.
You dont understand how much i regret it, &how much i wish it really didnt happen.
I didnt do it just to piss you off, if thats what your thinking, i guess... it kinda just happened.

But im not worried about you saying you would stop talking to me,
you wouldnt be able to do that, you&i both know that for a FACT.
What i am worried about is that you will lose respect for me... or maybe even be disapointed in me. I dont want that.. I dont want the dirty looks in the hallway, or in the back of your head knowing that i did make out with that  one boy you absolutely hate.

I am sorry, dont think im not. But dont think your going to be the one holding me back fromwho i can or cannot hang out with. Were not going out, &you dont even like me nontheless.

Please dont hold this against me.

Love alwaysalwaysalways,

That one boy--
Wow, i cant believe i did it. I cant believe you.
Why would you try to push things even more? Even when i kept telling to to get off me, &kept pushing you away.
But you just wouldnt quit would you? IM NOT ONE OF THOSE EASY FUCKING SLUTS YOU THINK I AM.
You fucking asshole. You tried everything, the sweet talking, that touch, the way you looked at me,
but you couldnt quite reach for me actually having feelings for you. Sorry jerk.
But this is all ok right? Cause the day i pushed you away from trying to put your hands down my pants
you could go to some other skanks house &make out with her.
Dont ever tell me how much you like me,or how you want to be with me.
All you wanted was a piece of ass.

I regret every single thing that happened both those days.
But i dont regret never having my feelings envolved.

You are so disgusting.

Love always,
Destiny Rae Lopez.

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