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I'm living in your letters.. Breathe deeply from this envelope
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Monday, December 6th, 2004

Time Event
Dear You,
I thought i knew you...I was wrong.
I thought you were my friend...I was wrong.
You think ill miss you...I will.
You think i want you as a friend...I dont know.
Do i still love you...ask me that in a few weeks.

Me xxx

Dear You,
I really like you...Ive liked you for ages.
I think your great...so does she.
You like me...as a friend.
I want you as more...its only a dream.
She likes you as more than a friend...So do you.
Will you to go out...probably.

Me xxx

Dear Eyes...Stop letting me cry.
Dear Mum...Leave me alone.
Dear Johnny...Thank you <3
Dear Wee Laura...Thank you too <3
Dear Lisa...Thanks for the supporting comments
Dear Person....Have fun with her.
Dear Life...stop fucking falling apart.
Dear Eyes...Your letting me cry already.

Me xxxxx
I'll get your medicine, when your tummy aches.
"Well, I guess there's always tomarrow." <How right I was. I don't know why today was so diffrent.. I mean, I always look for you in the morning. alwaysalwaysalways. & I always set my socializing up around the hall ways that I know you're supposed to be in. But because I had tested 'us' without you knowing, & didn't get a good answer, I gave up. I mean, I full heartedly decided to try to move on. 'cause I mean, a freshmen going after a senior with a girlfriend.. she's got to have something good to end up without her heart broken in the end. So I gave up. I thought it'd be better just knowning that i've failed then to get my heart broken yet again. So i'm walking in the halls ..not looking for you.. & you made an effort to touch me. Then i'm walking in the halls again.. ..not looking for you.. you wink at me. & you know how you just drive me crazy with those fucking, beautiful eyes. Then I see you one last time.. I didn't relize it but I didn't even go the right way. I went down the 200 wing instead of the 300.. running into you. & brad, my heart instantly starts beating uncontrolably fast. I look down & relize i'm wearing the same shirt I was wearing when I came in school late, covered in the rain, crying & you whisperd in my ear "you look beautiful" ..I always want that voice in my head. But.. I'm gonna be strong. I'm gonna hold out. I'm gonna understand that just because everything was .. fucking awesome, today doesn't mean tomarrow will be good. Doesn't mean a damn thing. So .. -if you want me back, you're gonna have to ask.- I think that's where i'm at right now. It's just not enough for me to know that you like me, but you kiss her goodnight. I can only pray that the rest of my week goes this well. & on a diffrent note.. I dont' know whats happening anymore. I feel like this guy is coming between me & my best friend. I can't stand this kid. I know all he's gonna do is hurt her. I know him.. I wish she could see what he's capible of. I don't know, maybe I need to be looking in the mirror when I say some of this stuff. Love, "jessika brooke" -- 'cause I know you like brooke.. :-D

Current Mood: happy
3 ||x
I hate who I am when I'm thinking about you. All of a sudden I'm this naive, vulnerable little child again. I hate how suddenly I'm three years old and clinging to the blankie my parents threatned to throw out. It's been six months and still I can't stand it when you say you're out with your girlfriend. You never said you were "with your girlfriend" when you were with me.

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