I hung out with you today for the first time in a while. We talked a little bit, we joked around a little bit and I didn't run out of the building crying like I did last time. But I did cry when I finally left and walked to my car. What happened to us? How could you have gone from someone I could tell anything to...to someone who I can't even look at in the eye anymore? I miss you so much, it still hurts so bad when I think about how you hurt me and the things you did to me. You put me through emotional hell and I hate you for that. But I also love you for that because you made me see how capable I am to survive. People tell me I'm so strong, but I honestly don't feel it sometimes. I'm weak when I don't have arms around to support me. I miss laying down with you. I miss looking into your eyes. I miss telling you I love you and hearing you say it back. And I know you miss me too because if you didn't, then you wouldn't have come back to me a month ago. You wouldn't have said those things to me if you didn't mean them. You just don't realize it yet.
I can't sit around and wait for you anymore. This is it. It's over. I'm done. I'm getting on with my life. I still love you with all my heart and I always will, but this is not the time nor the place for an "us." At least not until you realize how much I really do mean to you.
I love you.
You make me very happy. I'm sorry if I ever hurt you, I don't want to, but I fear it may happen someday. I heart you. Really.
I'm sorry for leading you on.