I'm living in your letters.. Breathe deeply from this envelope|
[Most Recent Entries]
Sunday, November 28th, 2004
| "You've dreamed about me, what, twice? I dream about you every night. Lets just say when I watch your plane take off, I'll be almost okay, because I've watched it a thousand times."
Baby, that is so sad. partly because you'll be okay, but mostly because while my dreams with you in them have us happy and together (however infrequent they are), yours are constant and involve us being apart for that first time since meeting you.
You should know, as excited as I am to go home, you will be the one thing missing, the one cloudy patch of an otherwise perfect sky. Everytime I say I want my bed, I'm wishing you could be sleeping in it next to me. And when I have to see Mitchell and meet his girl, I'll want you next to me even more, so I can prove how good I have it instead of just bragging. I want to show you to my grandma, my mom, my dad, my friends. I want you to see where I grew up. I want to take you to all my favorite places. I want you to see why I am how I am.
But I'll be taking pictures for me to show you everything, from Washington to Florida, friends and family, my house, my surroundings. Everything.
This time, I'm not going to go away and let a wonderful thing fade like I have everytime before. Instead, I'll be looking around, thinking of the summer when you can be here with me.
I love you
|the things i wish u knew...
i wish i could tell u just how much i love you! i wish you knew that i would do ne thing and i mean ne thing to keep you! i really thought u were the one and i would so marry you tomorow, but i cant hurt ne more! as hard as i try to hold on to you it seems liek ure pulling away! true you dotn wanna break up but u dont seem to wanna fix ti either! im totally lost! what do you want me to do? i love you so much ti hurts! but if u love something is there a time when u have to let it go? i kno u wont come back since i let you go before, but if u just leave then i wont hurt ne more!
your love forever Current Mood: crushed
| Dear Shane,
How dare you. How fucking dare you. How dare you drink. How dare you get drunk. How dare you CALL ME and send me on the worst guilt trip of my life. How dare you fucking do this to me.
HOW FUCKING DARE YOU
we have known each other for almost 4 years and it has been such a learning experience. we gone out for almost 3 years and its been a rollercoaster. even though we had our fights and arguments, i still stuck by you. even though we had our breaks from each other, i still loved you inside. the last few months have been a mystery ever since Friday. you told me things that i would never imagine hearing from your mouth. im definitely broken hearted. you have a crush on another man and im really upset about that. i do not know what i do not offer you. i dont know what made you go out and find other men. i really dont. im sorry for that. ive been pondering all night about us. i really want us to work. even knowing you like someone i still love you to death. i just cant see myself without you. those months that we took a break from were literally the hardiest times ever. i dont know what to say about us anymore. are we still even close anymore. could we ever talk to each other anymore. could we ever see each other anymore. i dont know. all i know is i love you and im still here waiting for you. i just want to know who youll choose. i hope you choose me instead of that boy you met 3 days ago. i really think i could make you much more happier than him. plus you are my love. ill do anything for you.
|get off the hoe train cause your the only one on it..
There is so much I want to say to you. And I doubt I can actually think of it all right now. But Im gonna say what Im thinking right now.
I feel sorry for any guy who has ever fallen or will ever fall for you. Or, maybe its their own stupidity to get involved with your games. I mean, by now, every guy in Oberlin should know what you're like. It's too bad you ended up this way. And it's too bad you still have friends. You stole my friends, my thoughts, my guys and I have to sit back and watch because Im not worshiped by people like you are. I cant show them the truth. You'll just change it around to make you look better or to make you right.
I hate to say this because Jackie is my best friend but, I wish you and Ryan would have never broken up. Because ever since then, all's you have done is fucked around and be more of a whore and lier than ever. Its like, all of this was inside of you but you couldnt let it out until you and Ryan were over and now that you guys are over..it just pours out. And that makes me so mad.
If you take off all your layers of makeup, there is nothing there. You have no real feelings or anything. Your face isnt even real. I wish so bad you would just get out of everyones lives.
I always wonder what goes through your mind when you make up these lies or kiss another guy. It just amazes me you can go on acting like this. Dont you feel guilty at all ?
I also realized something. You LONG for being wanted. I NEED people to want you. So, you act the way you do, so you get what you want. So you feel loved or wanted or you feel like your hot and sexy and shit. Thats what makes you happy. You are so insecure with yourself that you act the way you do so you can maybe think you are someone.
Fuck you. Current Mood: aggravated
Look. Losing someone is hard. You and Ryan were together for 2 years and i understand that you're not over him yet. But there are some things that don't make sense.
you SAY that you're over ryan. You fuck other guys, you kiss other guys and you date other guys.
But then you go to his grandmam's house and tell them AND all his friends that you're the victim and she still loves him.
is it fair to ryan that you still run his life? and make it difficult for him to have another relationship?
Isn't there somethign a little wrong with BREAKING into his house and STILL going to his grandmas house when you're "over him"..
But you being over ryan is just another one of your bullshit lies. You lie about the drugs you do, you lie about school, your image is a lie, your personality is a lie and frankly i don't see how anyone can stand you.
You go from group to group messing around with different guys and hanging out with different people because once you hang out with a certain group of people for awhile they get sick of you. and you being able to hang out with so many groups is only because you change who you are according to who you're with. I don't see how ryan could stand you for 2 whole years.
Oh yeah, that's right., He couldn't stand you for 2 years. He was with you because when he'd leave you you wouldn't eat and you'd still go to his grandma's house and ruin his life. He was with you because it was easier just to be with you because then he wouldn't have to hear your bitching and whining.
This and everything brelan said is the complete and honest truth-something you know NOTHING about. and i only wish i could really send this to you
my First Love,
you said you would be there for me when i needed you, and lately i have really needed a friend but you havent been there for me! i dont understand y u are only there when its convenient for you! or when u dotn have a girlfriend! i understand u have a girlfriend and trust me im not like you i dont want to break u and her up i just need a friend!! so why did you break ure promise? one of these days im not gonna be here for you ne more and i hope u undertstand y!
~~ always here for you ~~ Current Mood: curious
GAHD I LOVE KYLE RICHARD NORDWALL MORE THAN LIFE ITSELF AND HE DOESN'T EVEN CARE BUT I LOVE HIM<3333333333 dgfjkl;kdl;fdljdkj kfjlkd i just wanna be in his arms..... kthnxbye
Where did you go?
-me. Current Mood: huh?
Sometimes I think that every letter in this book is going to be to you. Yes, there are other names in here, but whenever I sit down to write a love letter, I want to write to you. I don't think you really know how amazing you are. If you did, you definately wouldn't be with me. But you are. And I still can't believe that. When I think about it, really think about it, it doesn't seem real. It seems like there has to be a catch somewhere. Dennis actually wants to be with me. It just doesn't seem possible. I am desperately afraid that soon you're going to wake up and realize you're with me, the biggest loser on the face of the earth, and tell me to get the fuck away from you. Or smother me with pillows. Or throw a clemintine at me. Or a pillow at my face. you, Dennissey, are the perfect thing to wake up to. You treat me so wonderfully, and you amaze me every time. Even if I don't deserve to be with someone as amazing and wonderful as you are, I'm still going to enjoy it while it lasts. And I hope that is a really long, long time. Is that selfish? You make me so incredibly happy, and I can be myself whenever I'm with you. I find I can talk to you about anything and everything, if I need to. Before we were together, I could talk to you about anything except how much I liked you. Now, even that is out in the open. Every time I look at you I just think of how incredibly lucky I am to have you. Oh, and you're the best lover in the world. With everything. You're better in bed than I ever thought a man could possibly be. Remember when I told you that sex was overrated, and you told me that the right person would make me think otherwise? you told me to tell you when that happened. Well, I don't know if you'll ever see this, or if i'll ever show it to you, but you made me realize that. Dennis, you are my best friend. I never want to be without you in my life.
I love you