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Friday, November 26th, 2004

Time Event
4:42a
And she will.. be loved.. and she will.. be llloooovveeddddd
Mum,
Please, its my birthday. im 14. i tidied up the whole house, i gave you a cup of tea and you refuse to get up. You made us 40 minutes late. Dont upset me please, not today. Im dressed, Im packed, im ready and im waiting. i did EVERYTHING we had to. i even fucking mended my bag. im smiling. you wont get up on your own daughters birthday and nothing is wrong with that? Im trying to be a good daughter. i promise you. im sorry. but please. France is my realease. i need to be there. im not fucking opening my presents, because i wanna sacrifice that time to get you ready. please mum. stop me from crying. please
From Your 14 year old Daughter as of today,
Beth

You,
Youre strong. dont forget that. i still love you.
XxX

Myself,
Whats up with you? Stupid fucking mood swings. Okay, the teachers didnt help. And niethers the fact your mum who doesnt think its important to get up for your birthday. for your fucking release. Just dont cry. Not until we get back at least. please? I know you just want to break down. but you wont. Youre strong. You can do this. Now go and put your mum on guilt trip - hey its your bday! have some fun!
XxX

Current Mood: bitchy
x
11:00a
if i called, would you come over? if only for a little while we could talk and hang out and play the games we use to play and eat the hilarious shit we use to eat. we could walk all over town once again and giggle at silly stuff..giggle at me and all the stupid stuff i say and do...i miss you.

i know your busy and other things in life get in the way. i want to call or write but for some reason i dont. should i? would it be ok?
x
2:34p
Turkey Day sucks
So im new. whatever.

On to what i wanted to say. Isnt the point of thanksgiving to be thankful. well instead of that i had to be bitched at for not looking nice enough. People shouldnt care about what you look like or anything on thanksgiving. they should just be thankfull you're you. They shouldnt ask anymore. Its hard enough being yourself, and not trying to be someone else.Now that ive learned how to do that its not ok.not accepted. Im sad to say...This world is destened for the worst.
x
3:13p
...&there’s a thousand movies rented for a thousand nights with him.



Dear Destiny;

Your not o fucking kay.

Nope.. thats just it.
Stop lying to yourself.

Your not ok with him likeing Olta..
Your not ok with the repsonse,
         "I dont like you like you like me... and im sorry"
Your not ok having to deal with the fact that no matter what connection you felt with him.. no matter how strong your feelings were for him, he still lead you on, and he probably dosent give two shits.
Your not ok with the fact you still like him..&you cant keep your fucking mind off him.
Your not ok with your mom trying to keep you from hanging out with Jessika.
Your not ok with having to keep this a secret from Jessika. One of your mother fucking best friends.
Your not ok with the fact that you will never look at your mom the same.
Your not ok with all the changes.. happening so fast, so soon.
Your not ok with the fact your starting to notice you hate talking to your one true best friend.. the girl you grew up with.
Your not ok noticing that shes not the only thing that has changed...

Your not ok with the fact that me not being able to hang out with Jessika= not being able to hang out with Kelsey as much.

DOES MY FUCKING MOM WANT TO TAKE THIS OUT ON EVERYONE?

Your not okay. &you never will be.

What will make you okay?...

Being able to call him mine.
He is what i want. Nothing else in the world..
no one elses arms in the world.. besides his.



God your so stupid.
I know your going to hate to hear... "i told you so"

&thats probably all your going to hear for a while.


yourstupidyourstupidstupidstupid.

<3<3<3
Myself.

 


Dear Romeo;
You still are my Romeo.. even if you think so or not.
No matter how many times you broke my fucking heart,

I almost forget about it all, when i start thinking about those cute things you do.

Why do you do this to me?

Forgetaboutme.
Maybe i should forget about you..

I'll try, it just seems like i am the cause to all your problems..
&im sorry.

Im upset the most about the fact that...
nevermind, i cant say it.
I wont admit it to myself.. nontheless, even you.

I told myself im done wasting my time on you,

Remember that one time in gym, you asked if i thought you were an asshole..
why would you ask me that?
You should of known i was lying when i told you.. "..of course not"

You should of known that i could never call you an asshole to your face,
its easiest saying it when your taking it out on the keyboard when your angry.

THOMAS QUINN YOU ARE AN ASSHOLE.

See, told you so.

Remember that night.. i told you i had a couple questions to ask you,

i forgot one..

Thomas Quinn, why are you gay?
&Why do you like to post things all over livejournal?
Loser.

Why do i like a cute little curly haired kid like you?
WHATS MY DEAL WITH CURLY HAIR?

Whats my deal with those beautiful blue eyes of yours.

Why did you lie to me when you said you werent comparing me to Olta?
You fucking asshole.m jkldfkl;jdfkl;gjl;dfgjl;dfjgkl;dfg



I wish i could of kissed you while i had the chance,
so you would have the cursed taste of me on your lips.. forever.

Wish me luck on trying to get over you.
Please&thank you.

Love always,
"Your Destiny"...



...&I will try and be kind when I ask you to leave.



Current Mood: annoyed
x
4:04p
Dear rob,

I havent spoken to you in months..and were supposed to be friends..Just wanted to say, I am really happy for you and jamie. I think its great that after a year of minipulating me and lying to me about how you 'cared' about me, you rush to her side.Im glad after treating me like a sex toy to use at will, you all of a sudden would rather have such a sweet innocent girlfriend to 'hold'. Ive wasted so much of my life on you. After breaking up then going back out, and me thinking "well he might have changed this time..it might be real". Well, it wasnt, and you had a fantastic act, making me believe someone cared about mr for once. But you lied about that, and you lied when you said you never wanted to leave me. I shouldnt care about you..and i shouldnt have to prove to you that im not a whore, because the people that do care about me like mike and corinne, know that im not like that. They know how much shit you said about me while we were going out..they know how you used me. And now I know what a rediculous situation I had pulled myself into.You need to grow up, whether you choose to still talk to me or not. But dont think im upset or not over you. Because I now know how cruel you can be, and i never want you back. Treat jamie like a queen. Dont hurt her, shes one of my friends too. She even admires me for being as strong as i am after what you did to me. Have a wonderful life.
</3 always, Alyssa

Current Mood: meh
x
4:39p
new.
Dear ___,

I've been holding all of my emotions, and thoughts about this situation inside, for so long.
About three months ago, I gave you pretty much all of me to you.
And havent talked to you since.
You promised me you cared about me, Yet you cant talk to me?
I always catch you looking my way, but its the empty hugs, and hallow memories I have to live with. I cant tell you how bad Im hurting right now.
Everything reminds me of you, not to mention everytime I close my eyes, its you I see, I hear you, I smell you... The only thing missing is your touch, that I miss so much. Your kisses that were so meaningful, And the moments that were so passionate. I miss you so much. I cant put it into words.
Your the first person to ever take my fear away, catch me when I fell, And knew what I was going through.
I trusted you.
You broke my heart, Into A million shattered pieces.
I feel as if Im going crazy inside, because I cant keep my focus off of you. It seems impossible.
Everything about you seems as tho it is hopeless.
My friends warned me about you, but I didn't listen, and Im glad I didnt.
I might have been betrayed with a broken heart, fearful, unsteady, and unable to trust, But I can honestly say I love you.
And will continue to feel this way, Until Im finally over it.
No way am I going to try and accommodate my feelings because I "Cant have you" Because I've never worked like that.
I take the word "Love" vigorously, And don't throw it around like everyone else.



I will always Love you no matter what.


P.S Nothing is coincidence.


Love forever,
Megan Marie.

Current Mood: hurt.
x
4:59p

dear aim users that are on my list,

i dont care about who your boyfriend is nor do i care to know what day you "fell" in love. I cant look at like anybodys profile without seeing ***YOU <3333*** 11/4/03. Its actually quite annoying, and dating someone for a month doesnt mean a singe damn thing. other than, of course, you need to have a significate other to brag about on aim.

</33, pj.

4 ||x
5:29p
My sister
Dear Megan,
I can not stand you and it's not jsut some disagreement between sisters it's a life long misuderstanding. We were nebver meant to get along and we will not get along. I can not see us years from now figureing out when our families should go to the beach together, it will not happen. I CANNOT stand you, here's why:
*You try to out do me everytime
*You've screwed up and still you get everything
*I deserve for once to be the one who's in the spotlight
*you made my life a living hell
*mom and jud still fight over you
* we lost the briar hill house because of you
* i've waken to a you falling out of the bunkbed that has rails be/c you were to drunk to know what you were doing.
*You think you know everything
*you made the administration at SOHS hate our family.

Here's the rest of what I wanted to say. I'm upset over this computer issue because I have never once messed up and after all your screw-ups you still get everything first. Hmm somehow I just wanted you to admit that I might be better, that I might deserve something first, that i might, Just might be smarter, or perhaps that you might care. But the only good I can do for you is to give you a freaken ride to work because hevan forbid you screwed up and lost your liscense. How do I let you make me feel second choice like nothing I do is right. Screw it Megan. I'm done with trying to get the attention from you. that's really all I wanted from our parents and I never got it, I was the one who was fine on her own. Sometimes I just want to run away. I can picture going off to college and mentioning things about Dad and justin and Noah, but you're still on the same level as Jud and Mom. You're no better then they are, don't dare think you are.
1 ||x
9:29p
dear Mr..
Dear Mr.Heartbreaker.

My heart has a big hole in it,all because of you.I was in a state of depression for almost a month because of your ass.But I woke up from it.I cant believe you lead me to think you cared.I cant believe I was so blind to see that you had 4 other girlfriends while you were dating me.I cant believe you lied to me,right infront of my face when I asked if you were cheating.I cant freakin believe I believed you.I was so in love with you that I didnt care what my friends said.I shouldve known you were this cold shallow guy that only thinks with his penis and hurts girls and doesnt even care because hes insecure.I hope you get emotionally torn just like I was.I hope you never find love.It pisses me off when I remember that phone call of you being upset thinking I would break your heart and all you wanted was someone to love you,and you ended up hurting me.I recently found out the girl you dated while you were dating me took you back,shes a loser and so are you.I hate those stupid little poems you wrote for me they were so cheesey but I didnt care I was blinded by love.I hate that you said stuff over and over like "you hold the key to my heart and I love you and always will" you made it seem like you never said it to me..you probably forgot since you had 4 other girlfriends.You faked our relationship.I hate myself for loving you or ever meeting you.I hate that you dated one of my friends a few days after we broke up and thought it was okay.I shouldve known you better before jumping into that relationship.But let me tell you one thing Mr.Heartbreaker Im over you..and always will be..I thank you for making me more mature and stronger.I hope that any girl who meets you doesnt fall for your tricks and gets hurt like I was.I hope you're having a good life now...but you wont for long..something will get you back.But I will always regret loving you..
1 ||x
10:03p
Hey Dad.
A poem I wrote, addressed to my dad. It's more for myself than anything else, so I put it behind a cut in case you don't want to read it.

I'm sorryCollapse )>

Current Mood: ...
x

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