November 24th, 2004

im not o fucking kay.

Get over it. You afixiate yourself to situations and people from your past so much that you can't get over your nostalgic attitude and outlook long enough to realize what you have RIGHT NOW.
If you don't wake up and stop thinking about the past and everything, you'll lose what you have now and realize it wasn't worth losing this all just for the past.. something you'll never get back
you'll never get the past back, and you'll never get him back so stop it.
help :(
  • Current Mood
    numb numb

to the boy that stole my heart.

there's so many things i want to say to you. i want to tell you how much i love you. how much i always have. how much i always will. being with you was the best time of my life. i miss the way you held me in your arms. i miss the way you kissed me. i miss the way you told me i was beautiful. you weren't the best at showing how you feel, but i knew you cared about me. it's been nine months and five days since i lost you. i wish we could be together. i would be the best girl you could ever have. i would give up all my dreams for you. i know i deserve better than you. you didn't know how to treat me. marijuana is the center of your life. i don't want to miss you. i want to much to forget you. but when i fell in love with you, i fell in love with a different person than who you really are. you tricked me. you made me believe you were someone that you're not. i just want whoever you were back. i want us to be together. i want us to be in love. maybe i am still in love with you because i won't let myself get out. i need to find a way to solve this. i don't remember a time in my life i was more sad than on that cold night. you were so mean. you were out to ruin me. i was crying my heart out. you couldn't even see how sad i was. you don't have a heart, do you? don't you miss me? even a little? i had this dream that we were together. we were in love (instead of me being in love with you and you not feeling the same). i was the happiest girl alive. i want you to love me. I LOVE YOU... i want to tell you so bad. i just don't know how. don't know when. give me one more chance..... please<3
  • Current Music
    something corporate- konstantine

come back to me.

things would be so much easier if kyle would come back. i wouldn't have to worry about what boy to be with because i'd have him. i wouldn't have that lonely feeling anymore. i wouldn't have to worry about if people are using me for sex because even if he was i wouldn't care because i love him and he has my heart and i've fought and fought and i can't seem to get it back. what does it matter if he really loves me if he would just pretend he does? man. i'm so pathetic. then there's stefan, who i was considering seeing... but he has to be all "mad flirting" with tif. and she doesn't even care that i like him she does it right back. some friend. and she even has a boy she "loves." oh shit now i'm a hypocrite. i just complained about her flirting when she loves someone and i like someone and love someone. but it's different because my love doesn't love me back and hers does. confusing. i need to move on. i just don't wanna let go...
  • Current Mood
    confused confused