November 16th, 2004

touch and look; Icon by alwssa

(no subject)

Dear Whoever Really Cares,

What do you really see in me? My name is Mariliz...not a normal name, maybe because I'm not normal? Just another pessimist, with optimistic instincts. Swing high, swing low, I don't know. I smile for you, but I smile to find reasons for doing so. I don't cry, I really don't. If I cry, I'm not ashamed, just surprise I can cry because its rare to why am I crying now? Am I really that cracked up?

Today I came to the realization that I was never wanted, seriously. I know many kind of people, but these two are ones I see mostly in my life; people who use me and throw me away, and people who don't see me as a person to even be glanced at. People say they care, do they really? Sure, they care if I'm saddened just so they can find out what makes me tick, but that about when I really need help, whnen everyone leaves me alone..? Why are my skies blood red and my hands whiter than the clouds? Why is it people iterally step on me when I'm right there. I mean, i can be seen, right? Or are people just ignoring me because I'm that annoying?? No lie, its sad how many times people don't see me when I'm right there, tjust standing right there with my hairof copper and dark brown in my eyes. Its just sad, sad to know I used to eat the lunch food and still be missed everyday on the lunchline beecasue they supposedely "missed me". Ack, lunch food (P.S. I really am against the fast food franchise and such..well, mostly McDonald's).

I used to be a cry baby when I was younger, stupid even. I beleive I am those two things still, but most of all, WEAK. I was always called weak physically and mentally because it was true. Still s, if you think I'm strong, amybe you're right, maybe I really am. I sttay strong for friends, families, and loved ones becasue its true. It's best to keep an open smile and a helping hand for others, its always best to put others' problems in front of yours becasue they need it more. My fragile state at this time is just not right. Would you really want to see someone whose smile is broken most the time shattered, just because of something she doesn't know. Maybe I'm just walking off a ledge, and have no wings to carry me off. if I believe though, maybe I will. never know..

TIl then, I'm laying in all black as my body lingers under the covers of my bed, lstening as the paper lantern swings back and forth. Hhmm, the light of it is so BS (bitterly sweet). Makes you wonder...

I just feel bad for those who put their faith in trust and me, ho believed I was something i'm not, who wanted more from me than I could actually give.

I'd like to say nothing's wrong with me, but its a lie, there is. I'm just not sure..just let me cry it out.

So sorry, so sorry...

Signed, Mia
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