November 13th, 2004

(no subject)

Heres a poem i wrote. Just how im feeling write now.

Strange how sometimes the quiet whispers,
that are trapped between floors find their way to my ears.
And the memory takes hold.
These whispers that try to tempt me
into listening to their cruel and unjust 'truths',
are fabricated by faded faces
Who never even knew that I could hold my own?
I could be my own.
And I didn't need them and their false torture,
or their false friendship to make me whole.
They never took the time like most people.
Why then do I find myself
thinking about the past so much today?
those negative dark spots of past?
those billowing smoking black clouds
of uncertain unhappiness?

some say it's the weather.
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    ten years gone - led zeppelin
swing life away

So here's one for you...

Dear Steph,

I hope you're happy. What happened to, "You're my best friend"? What happened to hanging out together? You don't call me, you basically ignore me in school, you don't talk to me, and you never answer your phone or even call me back after I leave a message. I put so much trust in you, I told you things I haven't told anyone else. So what are you doing instead? Your hanging with other people, people you said so much shit about behind their backs. You act like they're so close to you, even though I know what you would say about them, and I kept your secrets because you were my friend. Your also a fake, lately I've seen you lie to some of my friends, so you could seem "cooler" so they will want to be your friend. Don't lie anymore, it's pathetic. I don't want to even bother anymore, it's useless. I don't want to be your friend if you don't put in the effort to be mine. I don't want to know or keep your secrets, tell them to someone who cares and can handle knowing what you think of everyone behind their backs. I don't want to watch you lie so you seem more appealing, you're so fake, and I don't want to go on pretending it's ok and just go along with it. I give up. You aren't a good friend at all.
</3 Christina Dear Anatole, I'm not being fair to myself for liking you again. But how can I not like you? You're different from other guys. You're sincere, caring, kind, funny, smart, and great person all around. I can't help but like you. But it will never work out. I liked you before but you rejected me, and it also ruined our friendship. But I miss you, I miss talking to you. As weird as it may seem, that day in class with our mythology presentations, you reminded me of how much I liked you and how much I miss you. But like I said, you would never like me in that way. I don't think I've changed much, and if I wasn't good enough for you before, then why should I be any better now? I just wish we could be friends again and that you would get to know me better. <3 Christina
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