I'm living in your letters.. Breathe deeply from this envelope|
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Wednesday, November 10th, 2004
|*cramp cramp cramp*
I was enjoying the three month vacation from my period. Like, seriously enjoying it. And now, you ruin everything!! I don't want you back!! But I guess I have no complaints since you disappeared for three months, and left me alone on the cruise. THANK YOU FOR NOT RUINING THE CRUISE. Woo. Ok. Well.. we're even, now. So now, you can never, ever have a period ever again. kthxbye.
It's hard to let go but it's just as hard to hold on.
It's getting to much.
why do things have to be so hard.
me. Current Mood: crappy
dear something i cant seem to forget about,
when im with you i feel this overwhelming sense of okayness. i feel the bits and pieces of happiness. their faint but they're there. when im with you you make me feel like i exist. you make me feel like i have everything possibly imagenable, like i have everything i've ever wanted. you make me feel like i can do anything, i can be anyone.you make me feel like the sun will never go down. you make me want to wake up tomorrow. you make me feel like a person.
so why do you make me so sad? when im with you i also feel like i want to die. how is this possible?
i miss you
| today's the tenth.
& that makes me want to die.
maybe, maybe doesn't always mean no.
maybe, maybe means it may be so don't fuck it up.
or maybe, maybe means no but
i don't want to make you cry anymore.
so i'll say maybe. even thogh i know
i have no intention on ever giveing
you a nother glance. much less a second chance.
whew. kelsey rhymed. :)
none of you are going to want to read this.
idk why im not making it private.
i guess part of me wants him to know
what i've been thinking.
but i guess making it private
wouldn't keep him from reading it.
it didn't before. haha.
Alright. im sorry for saying you ruined my night.
it wasn't exactly you who ruined it.
rather it was thoughts of you. and thoughts of you being able to get over this and have fun with other people and move on to other people. & as you probably know, that hurts. alot.
& forgive me for asking about other people that you may or may not like.
i just want to know. it's not like im going to do anything about it. there is nothing i can do about it. we're over, and you've made that perfectly clear. i, just always have that thought in the back of my mind, that maybe, you'll one day, you'll come back..& give me a second chance.
becuase if you do, i promise i will try my hardest not to screw anything up. i don't care how much it takes of me. you give me both the best and worst possible feelings at the same time. and you don't know how screwy that is.
Johnny, my heart is in your hands. you have full controll over all of my feelings. no matter how crazy or scary that is. it's true.
im so in love with you it hurts me. like, literally. i know you've done some not too cool things to me, and you're probably not aware of any of them, and i know when we went out i didn't make you completely happy. But now that i know what i did wrong i can fix it. you have the power to make me completely melt inside, or completely break apart inside. & i know you probably don't really care to use that in a good way. because i doubt you will. but, i don't know. i hope you will.
don't you think it felt right? i mean, just holding eachother...? just seeing you could make my day. even if it was for a split second. fuck, just thinking about you could make my day.
i know i broke up with you, and i'd been thinking about it, and im sorry. i really am. Johnny, that was probably the worst mistake i've ever made. possibly the worst mistake i ever could make, unless i someday decide to kill some one. But, i don't know why i did it. it made sense then but because of the way my plan blew up in my face, it didn't. but please, please, im fucking beggingyou. i will do anything for with or to you to get you to give me a second chance. i will say anything, i will do anything, i will give you anything..
we could work. we can work. if you just give me another try..
wow. im pathetic.
you're probably not going to like or listen to this..
god, i love you.
and im sorry..
</3 Current Mood: pathetic