Well. It's been two months exactly since I talked to you last. And even then, just petty conversation for less than 10 minutes. Two months since I hung up the phone and had the worst day I'd had in a while. That day, even before you called, I was talking to Mrs. Muir about you. At the beginning of lunch, I was crying. Mrs. Muir, Weston, Zach, and Jordan calmed me down, and I was fine. I went up to Talon Hall, got some food, and headed back down to the drama room. Little did I know, while I was up socializing, your voice was coming through the telephone down here.
I walked into the drama room with my water and pizza, and saw a ton of people crowded around the phone. Someone looked over at me and said, "CIERA! Ryan's on the phone!" I immediately put down my food and started shaking. I walked over to a couch by the phone and started crying. Mrs. Muir took the phone from whoever had it and said, "Ryan, Ciera's here. I want you to talk to her," and she handed me the phone. I don't know how long I sat there, trying to clear my throat enough to utter, "hello?"
After that, I don't remember what happened. All I know is, when we were getting off the phone, I wanted to tell you how much I still loved you. But instead, I just said, "bye." I regret that more than anything. That day, I didn't go to 3rd or 4th period. I was late to practice. I was literally incapable of doing anything but crying. I kept going over in my head what I should have said.
I've been going over it since then. I've regretted everything I could have said that day. So, now I"m writing them in a letter that I might not even be able to send you. I guess the first thing I wanted to ask you was: "How do you feel about all this?" I guess I can't really come to any conclusions until I know what you're thinking. For all I know, you've moved on completely. I've spent two months creating something that doesn't even exist.
But the slightest hope that you might still care for me keeps me holding on. Today, a man named Bill Blakely was here at school interviewing people about you. The ones he talked to were Mrs. Muir, Zach, Weston, and myself. After he asked us questions like, "Describe Ryan," and "Was he involved with any drugs?" we all went down to the drama room and talked about how weird it was. Zach and I layed down on a couch and decided that after 1st period (Drama II), school sucks. I started crying, and when the late bell rung I couldn't bear the thought of facing anyone. So, once again, I stayed in the back room of the drama room and Zach, Jordan, Weston, and I talked.
I also started writing this letter to you. For two whole periods I've thought about that I want you to know. I want you to know a lot of things: Dinner Theatre was a success, I was a waitress for it. We went to Denny's afterwards, and Jordna and I sat in the same spots we did last time. The spot where I first really talked to you. I want you to know that Zach and Weston are now two of my best friends. I want you to know that Jordan is still picking the wrong guys to date. I want you to know that I am also a lot closer with Sara from Santa Cruz, who now goes to AHS, and Isi, who hasn't changed a bit.
But, most of all, I want you to know that no matter what went on over the summer, no matter how many times I doubted myself and you, I still love you. That is the one thing I am sure of right now.
One thing I'm not sure of, though, is how you're reacting to this letter right now. Please write me back, even if it's just to tell me you don't want to talk to me anymore. I just need an answer from you. Please, thank you, and I miss you more than anything.
A happy hug, a piece of everyone back here at CV, and the old "WRITE ME BACK!",
Ciera Stratton Current Mood: shitty