October 29th, 2004

Masuimi Max www.vivaspinups.com

(no subject)


I kept asking what about how I am is so bad. Thank you for thinking about it & getting back to me, even though that was such a strange conversation. I don't know if you could tell, but I was in tears, just thinking how you actually are better at actively caring for others than I usually show. And maybe my saying I would never do things like have french tip nails is a bit of a cop-out, but I thought of it more as a "don't get your hopes up" message instead of a "nope, not going to do something just cause you mentioned it". But those were my words, so really, how could you take it any other way?

I am trying now. The day after that conversaion, even though I had been up all night working on that stupid drawing project, I still showered, shaved, and dressed up, knowing full well that I would only see you for ten minutes tops that day.

I am trying.

I found the list where I wrote down what I wanted in a guy, all of two days before I found you, where you fit all but one not so key thing, then emailed it to you.

I am trying.

And you are acting as the middleman for some wonderful surprise for me that stephanie is sending down here.

I am so excited.

And I can't wait to spend more time with you.

- kiddo