October 16th, 2004

looking down

(no subject)

Dear World,
I am tired of sex, drugs and alcohol being the basis of almost everyone's existence. For once I'd like to date someone who wasn't all about those things. And I'd love to go through ONE day without having a conversation about one of those things. Thank you.
Love, Lyndsay
  • Current Music
    Howie Day- You & a promise

Reach the speed of pain...

Dear Lee,
I dont deserve you,
Thankyou for making me feel pretty...=)
Im not, but thankyou for lying.
I think im falling for you... but i dont want to.
I dont want to let myself fall for you.
It hurts too much at the end.
In utmost like,

Dear 'her'
Fuck off and stop patronzing me.
Im very good at telling myself im a bitch that doesnt deserve anything, and i dont need you to tell me that ontop of it.
I dont think it matters, but for all its worth,
I Still Fucking Hate You.
I hope you hate youreself alot more then you complain you do.

Dear Self,
Why cant you accept that you're fat and you're totally ugly? You dont deserve Lee... At east you know that. You are a total attention seeker - which you also have to stop.
Maybe thats why you get bullied. No, wait, its not bad enough to be called bullying. They dont take any money and only occasionally do they put you into walls.. Thats not enough to be classed as bullying. You are pathetic. You are useless. And the only reason nobody tells you this is because theyre spies.. for her.. for the people youre convinced 'bully' you.
You moan and you whine and you dont seem to remember that you lead a boring life.
Nobody cares whats inside your head or what youre actually thinking.
Lee does fancy Jessie
Youre selfish - how many times has he told you that?
I hope the next time you go to sleep you never wake up.
You will be doing everyone you know a favour.
Sincerely in Anger,
  • Current Music
    Marilyn Manson - Speed of Pain

(no subject)

Hey. It's your second day in Phoenix, and I hate hurting like this. It finally hit me how stupid I am to even consider you. We need to break up. This is the worst time to be with you because of everything that I'm going through. For once I need to think about me, and loving you the way I do and you being on my mind ALL the FUCKING TIME is starting to get too hard for me. This isn't forever, we're breaking up for as long as I'm not allowed to see you. Unless, however, you don't want me back. So if I want you back, do I have to ask? Or do I automatically assume that you are with me again? The last thing you said before you left for the weekend was "I know you can't say it back because your dad's right there, but... I DO love you." And I DO love you too. I'm just thinking that, esp. after this weekend, you are going to have a "change of heart" and since I' m already having one... This isn't working. But you, to this day, have no idea how much I LOVE you. Today is the first day in the whole time of us being together that we haven't kept in touch. It kills me to know that you're partying right now (and the party's just starting, it's only 9:35....) and I'm here worried sick about my relationship with you. **Sigh** I don't know. I guess there are some things that are never meant to be handled... Like you and me together. It should never have happened. I dare you to stop loving me, I wanna see if you can do it. You can't, can you? Yeah neither can I. Ugh, I'm confusing myself... I love you but we're breaking up. That's it, that's all I gotta say.

Always Your Sweetness,
Pamela Ann

(no subject)


I hate you. I really really do. And then sometimes i love you.

i dont even know what to say right now,i'm hysterical.

you're a pig. you should have just killed me. really.

at this point i'd rather feel nothing then everything.

you could have just been a normal person and said good-bye.
you didn't have to lie to my fucking face.
i hate you.
i do.
and it hurts me.
i'm jealous of you. of your stupid girlfriend.

i hope she sees what an asshole you are before you do to her what you did to me.

unless you just really did care about me.

i dont know.