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I'm living in your letters.. Breathe deeply from this envelope
 
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Monday, October 11th, 2004

Time Event
12:13p
Why'd I have to go and fall for you? I was completely content on my own.
....wasn't I???
You came almost out of nowhere and hit me broadside. Like a bus that didn't see the car stopped in the road.
Why do you make my heart explode? Do you think I have plenty of hearts and you can just go around making mine explode all day? You can't, you know. I won't let you. Or will I? I've already let you get this far. My heart could belong to you. But would you want that? There is a part of me, the last glimmer of hope, that says you do. It tells me that when I'm not looking you are looking at me and wondering if I'm feeling the same way. There's a part of me that says I make your heart explode too. But, that part of me is slowly dying. And I know that come Sunday, that glimmer will just be a memory.

Current Mood: contemplative
2 ||x
2:27p
You,

You still don't know, and might not know for awhile, or ever. It's depressing how much I love you, and how many other girls hang on you hand and foot, but you still don't know that I'm here, and I know I would do you some good, I just wish you could see me, as I do see you. I've already seen the braclets going around..
I wish they ingraved my name, like my heart ingraves yours.

xxtill the end,

me.
x
6:09p
x
7:50p
;*
dear John..

i love you.
i love you, alot.
with all my heart.
i'd do anything for you..

stop asking me if i mean it..
becuase you know i do.

but im not quite so sure that you do..

stuff's been getting a little wierd lately, don't you agree?
can't hardly talk as much as we used to..
what happened..?
i miss that...

i'd fucking die for you..
and i doubt you can say even half of that about me..

you have to know why..
you have to have some vauge idea..
you can't just...i don't know.

how many people have you said this to before..?
i know at least one..
but i don't want to be just some other girl to you..
i want to be special...
i want to be the memorable one..

because i know you're that to me..

hmm..well, i love you...

<//3


Current Mood: thinking...
x
11:35p
dear casie,
i find myself trapped in a permenate state of delusion. and i feel that my confusion is evident now more than ever. i no longer know what to think or feel or say. life just feels like some big game, im being forced to play. and this non- existent god seems to be the rule marker, and seems to laugh at me whenever i make a wrong move. happiness is the most important thing to me, you know that. but i haven't the slighest idea what i need to make myself feel okay. all i want is to feel content with myself and my life, and ive been bafiled on how to do feel this way for some time now. since about as long as i can remember. my eyes cant decide if im living in a dream or in reality. sometimes, i wish i could sleep forever.. because it's the only time that one is totally unaware of their own existence.
x

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