I'm living in your letters.. Breathe deeply from this envelope|
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Tuesday, October 5th, 2004
I don't know if it's PMS talking, or if you really have been saying these things. My emotional imagination often gets the better of me around this time, so you need to be clear.
You love me despite my quirky way of noticing random things? I'm sorry, that's not acceptable. You damn well find it at least endearing, if not cute, because it is part of what makes me who I am. How can you go through the day not taking joy in the simple things? If it embarasses you or frustrates you, why are you with me? You know I'm not going to sleep with you. You are not getting any benefits from this other than the pleasure of my company, and if you don't enjoy it for all that it is, some else will.
And what was this about intelligent conversations not happening with me? Have you tried? You dominate "conversations" and take the possibility of saying anything away from me. You know I back off when someone else is talking so much.
How dare you project these things you think I am onto me. You don't seem to know a damned thing, even though we've been together for a month.
Sit down, we need to talk.
I think you hate me. I didn't mean to hurt you or embarass you or whatever though. This is the one time when the line, "It's not you; it's me" would actually have been true. I was scared of you. I still am. I'm scared of any boy that I like. My last boyfriend made sure of that for me. We went out for six months, six whole months, and then he cheated on me. He was a loser. At the time, well I didn't think that but now I know. He lied all the time. He was genuinely stupid. He wasn't even attractive for God's sake. I'm scared of that happening again. He seemed like such a great guy when we first starting dating. And you seem like a great guy too. But I'm scared of you because of him. That night I realized you were a really cute, nice guy that might be interested in me, I was so happy. You seemed so much different than him. But then I remembered what a nice guy he seemed to be when I first met him...and even though I liked you, I couldn't bring myself to say a word to you because I was just so scared that I'd end up getting hurt again. I'm shy to begin with. That didn't help matters at all. A week or two later you said something to me in the hall. It was so obvious you were talking to me. But I just assumed you were talking to the girl in front of me. I don't even know why. Then I felt like a total asshole afterwards because I knew you were talking to me. I just chose to pretend I didn't so I wouldn't have to talk to you. Not that I didn't want to...I was just too scared. So many times, it seemed like you wanted to say something to me or maybe I should say something to you. I mean how hard would it be for me to just go up to you in the hall and say hi? That's what my friends say I should do. But I can't. Because I think you hate me. I mean it happened like eight months ago. I can't just go up to you and start talking to you all of a sudden. I just can't. That's not something that's physically possible for me to do. You make me too nervous. I wish I had a reason for me to talk to you...I wish that I had a reason that I absoutely had to talk to you for. But I don't. So for now I'll just have to go on with you hating me. I wish you would talk to me. But you won't. I don't blame you. Even if you've realized that I wasn't ignoring you to be an asshole, you still wouldn't talk to me because you'd be scared that I'd ignore you again. I don't think I would. As long as you appoached me when there weren't too many other people around. But you'll never get this letter, so what does it matter?
Sorry. For making you feel like an idiot. And for ignoring you. And for being too scared to talk to you.
its a simple question, YES or NO.
if you pity me then maybe is not the answer.
don't try to make it easy for yourself
to tell me you couldnt care less about me,
JUST FUCKING SAY IT!
you make me want to die.
|Protect me from what i want
You are the only drug i needed
But you told me the single thing i needed to stay sane, put you off me
You messed me up So i found a fuckig coping mechanism
I opened my heart out to you
But you didnt understand.
YOU DIDNT FUCKING UNDERSTAND
The razorblade is better
it makes it better
what you left behind it can cut up and make it disappear
for a small time, yes.
but that small time makes me sleep easy
You destroyed me, so build me back up again
From The Queen Of Emo
</3 Current Mood: invisible
Dear ( xxxx ),
i really like you, i just cant say anything to you because im worried you wont like me, or you will go & tell everyone at work & then they will tease me i just i really like you & i cant help it ahh i dont know what to do.
x punk x