I'm living in your letters.. Breathe deeply from this envelope|
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Wednesday, September 29th, 2004
sometimes i feel that you;re so distant from me. i feel that even though i know you care you couldnt care less. when im in need of care, you just never seem to be there to help me, and when i just need someone to tell me everythings ok, you just say the things that make it ten times worse. its not any fault of yours it's once in a while i just need to know you're there for me. this feeling i get, the jealousy that whirls inside of me, it does make me cry, it makes me more sensative. im sorry i cry, im sorry i sometimes just need you to be with me. i just get this feeling inside that makes me need you, and i know that you dont need me as much as i need you. im sorry that i play around, im sorry that i care so much, but sometimes i just need to know you love me. i would give my whole existance for you, and sometimes it just seems that you just dont know. do i love you too much? sometimes i wonder. my stomach is in knots, tears are beginning to fall, i can hear my heart beating in the veins in my wrists, and my spine is tingling with worry. im sorry of all the things i do, and im sorry i expect you to just know what i want. i just want to know you care as much as me. i hate it when you yell and i hate when youre frustrated with me. i hate it and yea i cry. i cry when you hurt me, and i cry when you say something to me thats not true. i love you so much and i realized that no matter what, im never going to be okay with this distance i feel. im never going to be ok with loving you and not being with you. its never going to be ok, and i know i can never tell you that. you say i can tell you anything, but you're mad when i dont and youre mad when i do. i trust you with my life, i wannna be with you forever, but i realize ill never be ok with another girl taking my place. ill never be ok bc im not ok with it now. i hate that i get this way. i hate my jealousy. most of all i hate the fact that i question your love sometimes bc sometimes it seems like im on the back burner in your life and you dont wanna do the things i hold dear and i want to. i always cave for you, it just seems that you never cave for me. i hate that so much. i love you and i know you care, but sometimes im not gonna tell you whats wrong, im just gonna want a hug, but to you thats not good enough. i am in love with you, i want nothing more than to be with you, but there are times that you dont want the same. im sorry that i care so much, i guess i just need to know you're with me.
i love you
|regret the what you have done than regret what you wished, happened.
Can't wait to see you, so excited yet so nervous.
But I've fooled myself to much, so I'll just say it.
I love you
I can't keep telling myself that I'll forget you.
Just the thought of it makes me wanna love you even more.
It's crazy. Feeling something totally different & so wonderful
at the same time. I wish you knew.
I shall tell you on Friday.
mark my words.