September 17th, 2004


if only i had said before i lost the chance

theres apart of me that gets lost every time i think of you.

i get caught up in the memories that once would have
haunted me, but now they give me an odd comfort of sorts.

i miss you, i hope you know that.
i wish i could say those things i never dared to before.
so much of me wishes you were here physically but no matter how much i dont see you i feel you everywhere.
is it weird that i feel your presence surrounding me?
that i find comfort in that, and i know you will keep me safe.
i wonder what would have happened to us both if we had never met.
because surely if you hadnt got a job at the same work place, we would never have been friends and i never would have had your help and i would be the one dead not you.

i know i never said this to you when you were alive but i guess i can tell you anytime and know that in some way you'll hear it.

thank you.
thank you sophie.
you gave me strength and courage and wisdom
i regret not being able to impart my own.
but i know i will meet you again.
i can feel your reasurance.

thankyou for being my friend, my therapist, my angel.
miss ya chookie.
  • Current Music
    justin timberlake "like i love you"

(no subject)

Dear Brigette,

I really don't like you anymore. I'm so fucking pissed off. I don't understand you. I don't understand what you do. I don't care. You're so fucking stupid. And you don't fucking see it. Theres no reason I should even talk to you anymore. You don't talk to me, why should I go out of my way to talk to you? Why should I give a damn? Why? I don't fucking care. You're such a fucking slut. A dumb one at that. I really wish that I could be here for you, that I could stand you, but you're so fucking stupid and such a dumbass bitch, that I can't. He's going to kill you, and you don't care. Why? Because you think you're so fucking "in love" with him. Well sweetie just to let you know, that's not love. He doesn't love you and you.. well I don't think you even know anymore. All I know is that you don't love him because if you really did love him, if you really did care for him more than yourself, you'd see. You'd see that he doesn't want you anymore and that he's trying to get away from you. But do you fucking see it? No. You're so fucking selfish. You need to fucking understand that everything about love does not need to be bad. You need to understand THAT YOU CAN BE HAPPY. If only you let yourself, you could. And I really hope that some day you will be happy. But as long as you're with him, it's never going to happen. He brings you down and you bring yourself down. And he's not the only thing that makes you stupid. You are such a fucking hypocrite you tell people that sex is bad, but you still have sex a lot (btw bad sex, with a condom, a thing you never use). And you tell ppl that pot is the worse thing in the world but you "don't care", "you deal with it" when he smokes. Well if you really love him so fucking much shouldn't he big the biggest worry about the drugs? Shouldn't you help him stop, if you really love him, shouldn't you just make him quit what will hurt him? Isn't that love? Shouldn't you love the person that you say you do? You're so fucking stupid.

  • Current Music
i'm not...

(no subject)

Dear Kevin,
i really can't find a way to explain how i feel, i really like you sooo much and everytime i think about you i smile. yesterday in lang arts, when i was sitting on you and the i layed down on your backpack and you looked down at me and smiled. i grabbed your hand.
just thinking about you makes me dizzy.
i'm really in like with you.

  • Current Mood
    confused confused

(no subject)

you know, sometimes I miss you.
our everyday talk.
there wouldn't be a day that you would not call.
you called me your best friend,
and I called you the same, and I also loved you.
my respect went away, as the respect you gave me went away as well.
till today I regret stop talking to you
and till today I still love you.

i wish you knew what happen inside of me.

  • Current Mood
    crappy crappy

Can you help me find a way to carry on again?

Dear Self
You are not being bullied and you should stop taking youre insecurities out on anybody else. Theyre youres. All youres and nobody else should know about them. Cause you have to be that angel kid who eveybody loves. You've screwed up enough for now.
And you can stop the attention seeking too.
You arent good enough for him. And you know that. Although im not too sure why she cant see it but.. whatever, youre gonna go and have a good time. Youre gona shutup and let ppl know youre happy. Cause ppl love confidence right? So if they cant love you for how you look or youre personality.. they can like the confidence you fake.
Now, until next time.. i want you to shutup - and never moan again.
Sort youreself out.
Always sincerest hatrid,

Dear You,
Why cant i trust you anymore?
me XxX

Dear Lee,
Please lie.. pretend im even half funny and im not that ugly. Im so sorry im not what you want. Im not going to be 'just' another girl though.
I hate You
I love You
I cant live without you
kisses always,
  • Current Music
    All American Rejects - Swing Swing