I'll assume you're seen Eternal Sunshine. You know the scene with him and her in the bookstore when she's telling him that she's not a solution, that she's just a fucked up girl who's trying to find her own piece of mind. That idea applies to you and me.
You make me feel like you're thinking I'm the happy ray of sunshine in your life, as if when everything else is falling apart like it always has before that I am going to be the one still pulled together and it scares me.
As wonderful and sweet as you are, I have been so bruised by everyone I have ever held close like that. It happens everytime I know someone enjoys another persons company in a more obvious way than how they enjoy mine. It happens everytime I know an ex has moved on. There's always certain people that attract a lot of attention to themselves with their personalities and stories and I know it's because they think more about everyone else being the star of the situation and live life a bit more vibrantly than I do. I am a thinker and self absorbed. I have recluse moments. I get scared, alot, espcially of young love because I know it's unstable. I am not a solution. I am a fucked up little girl looking for my own piece of mind and I cannot allow it to be found entirely in you, although you can be a vehicle to help me find it or at least get a reign on what I can.
I need to be able to buy myself my own roses without you telling me "that's my job!".
I'm complicated. I possess an entirely new set of problems of self-esteem and none of them are looks based; I'm so the typical middle child. You've been warned about me, and you didn't leave, so it looks like we're going to make this work. As nervous as I am that I am going to screw it up, I'm excited.