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I'm living in your letters.. Breathe deeply from this envelope
 
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Monday, September 13th, 2004

Time Event
2:40a
hey darlin',

I'll assume you're seen Eternal Sunshine. You know the scene with him and her in the bookstore when she's telling him that she's not a solution, that she's just a fucked up girl who's trying to find her own piece of mind. That idea applies to you and me.

You make me feel like you're thinking I'm the happy ray of sunshine in your life, as if when everything else is falling apart like it always has before that I am going to be the one still pulled together and it scares me.

As wonderful and sweet as you are, I have been so bruised by everyone I have ever held close like that. It happens everytime I know someone enjoys another persons company in a more obvious way than how they enjoy mine. It happens everytime I know an ex has moved on. There's always certain people that attract a lot of attention to themselves with their personalities and stories and I know it's because they think more about everyone else being the star of the situation and live life a bit more vibrantly than I do. I am a thinker and self absorbed. I have recluse moments. I get scared, alot, espcially of young love because I know it's unstable. I am not a solution. I am a fucked up little girl looking for my own piece of mind and I cannot allow it to be found entirely in you, although you can be a vehicle to help me find it or at least get a reign on what I can.

I need to be able to buy myself my own roses without you telling me "that's my job!".

I'm complicated. I possess an entirely new set of problems of self-esteem and none of them are looks based; I'm so the typical middle child. You've been warned about me, and you didn't leave, so it looks like we're going to make this work. As nervous as I am that I am going to screw it up, I'm excited.

-kiddo
1 ||x
3:57a
dear alex
i hate you for doing those things
i hate you for making me feel the way i did
i hate you for making me question what i already had
and most of all i hate you for not talking to me anymore
you chose what you did.
you CHOSE the things you did.
i dont understand why i have to suffer?
x
6:27p
You would kill for this, just a little bit
Dear ?,

I make wishes all the time. I love them. I'm forever making plans, organizing every second of my life. But wishes are different. They come from my heart. The word itself is just so whimsical and and special. Like you shouldn't say them out loud, in case they float away. I wish I was just better. For you and for me. For everyone. I wish I could understand all this I'm feeling. I wish I didn't care so much. That I didn't get so annoyed over the littlest things. I wish it didn't matter. But I know it does. I wish I knew what you were thinking. So that we both wouldn't be wasting away.

<?3

Current Mood: confused
1 ||x
8:01p
help wanted!
does anyone have an oregon scientific brand digital camera.. i could really use some help!.
its verry much needed! =D


please comment here if you do and are nice enough too help..





sorry for posting this here. i realize its not a letter. but i really need some help.
2 ||x
8:25p
Fuck you
Dear Highschool,
i hate you, you suck, go away and dont expect me to bend to youre petty little rules.
Get the bullies away from me and put my suspicious head to rest.
Please tell me shes a genuine friend.
Please make sure she doesnt start shouting her mouth around because i can beat her and i will but i dont want to cause a part of me still misses her like anything... :(
All in all highschool, you suck and i hate you.
Im in anger with you
Beth

Current Mood: angry
x

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