You were there tonight at the festival and when I saw you looking at me my stomatch did this little flip flop thing. And then Eric had to go over to you and I acted like it didn't still hurt. I was laughing and giggling and joking like a little girl whose only interest was her barbies. I was a little confused. We didn't talk much, and eye contact was awkward. You tried not to laugh when I said that thing about Kenya. I saw the smile on your face though. And then we left. I was okay for awhile.
And then I heard you say their names. Of those girls. And I saw you over there laughing and smiling with everything you ever wanted. It stung my eyes.
And it hurt for awhile.
But then I got angry. (again)
And I think i just want to know ,
is there any punishment in this
for you at all?
Why is it you got everything you wanted?
After making me feel like the greatest girl in the entire world while everything was still okay, and then you just brought me down with you. You treated me like dirt for over 4 months and I dealt with it because I loved you.
And then I let you touch you in places that made me vulnerable hoping it would bring us closer, repare something that was broken. But you just wanted sex from me.
And you told everyone that it was my fault.
That I forced it on you.
When you were the one who planned that whole night
and tried to undress me.
And I lost all respect and trust from my family
after that because I thought I had slept with you,
when in fact,
I was the one who told you know.
I got punished for 2 months
for doing the right thing.
Whilst you were mr. party hearty.
when you knew you were going to dump me
you touched me again,
telling Eric you were going to get in your last "kicks".
after all this,
do you deserve
anything that has come your way?
Why are you still on top?
Why do you get everything that you want and more?
Don't you ever feel guilty?
Why do you just have an unblemished life?
Why do you get things you dont deserve?
Are you ever going to hurt?
You make me angry and weak and sad.
And tonight I just want you to know,
you and i both know you're not what everyone thinks you are.
i never told anyone what you really did to me that night,
but i should.
me Current Mood: crushed