September 6th, 2004

(no subject)

Dear You,

You were there tonight at the festival and when I saw you looking at me my stomatch did this little flip flop thing. And then Eric had to go over to you and I acted like it didn't still hurt. I was laughing and giggling and joking like a little girl whose only interest was her barbies. I was a little confused. We didn't talk much, and eye contact was awkward. You tried not to laugh when I said that thing about Kenya. I saw the smile on your face though. And then we left. I was okay for awhile.

And then I heard you say their names. Of those girls. And I saw you over there laughing and smiling with everything you ever wanted. It stung my eyes.

And it hurt for awhile.
But then I got angry. (again)
And I think i just want to know ,
is there any punishment in this
for you at all?
Why is it you got everything you wanted?

After making me feel like the greatest girl in the entire world while everything was still okay, and then you just brought me down with you. You treated me like dirt for over 4 months and I dealt with it because I loved you.

And then I let you touch you in places that made me vulnerable hoping it would bring us closer, repare something that was broken. But you just wanted sex from me.

And you told everyone that it was my fault.
That I forced it on you.
When you were the one who planned that whole night
and tried to undress me.
And I lost all respect and trust from my family
after that because I thought I had slept with you,
when in fact,
I was the one who told you know.
I got punished for 2 months
for doing the right thing.
Whilst you were mr. party hearty.
when you knew you were going to dump me
you touched me again,
telling Eric you were going to get in your last "kicks".

And why,
after all this,
do you deserve
anything that has come your way?
Why are you still on top?
Why do you get everything that you want and more?
Don't you ever feel guilty?
Why do you just have an unblemished life?
Why do you get things you dont deserve?
Are you ever going to hurt?

You make me angry and weak and sad.

And tonight I just want you to know,

you and i both know you're not what everyone thinks you are.

i never told anyone what you really did to me that night,

but i should.

  • Current Music
    dashboard confessional

(no subject)

we've held hands
we've held hearts
now we hold loaded guns
are you ready for whats about to happen
and its times like these
where you have to know
your rights from your wrongs
we'll take each ex lover hostage
we'll burn all the buildings down
we'll right every fucking wrong
We're going to destory our past
we'll make sure everyone sees us
winning back what we lost
the hands we've held become rougher
as the hearts we've held grow weaker
and the guns we hold
have only one bullet
meant to destroy the biggest mistake
our love </b>

Dear you,
you've honestly broke my heart in two and im waiting for you to come back and fix it.

(no subject)


"When you say you love me, the world goes still, so still inside and
When you say you love me, for a moment, there's no one else alive."

You don't say you love me. Love is overrated. But God, when you say you miss me it's the same, when you say that you wish I was with you, that you've thought about me. I'm so freaking lucky that you, in all your awesomeness, would talk to me, especially knowing that we live forever away and that we might not see each other again, at least for a long time. I'm so glad you're here, though, at least here for me. And I can't wait until the next time I'm blessed enough to talk to you. Two more days until school for you =P

"When you say you love me,
Do you know how I love you?"

  • Current Mood
    exhausted exhausted

stop it. come on. youknowicanthelpit.

dear me;

stop it.
stop it.
stop it.
stop it.

you know that that's not good.
you know that that can't and wont happen.

if i don't think about it, it will go away...right?
if i don't admit it to myself, or let anyone know, it will, go away.

but..that's what i thought before.


you fucking liar.
you fucking fake.
you fucking loser.
you fucking slut.
you fucking bitch.

i fucking hate you, you're a stupid, selfish, ugly whore.

shut the fuck up, mind.

  • Current Music


    Dear fucking 1 19,
      I can't believe you are the way you are. I just can't. You're just so beautiful, I hate the way your hair falls all around your face. You're so perfect. The way your eyes shine when the sun hits them. Everyone loves you. Everyone loves you. Everyone loves you. Everyone. Loves. You. Why do I choose to go on this stupid ride again? I'm just going to go through the same ups and downs. You make me not want to talk to anyone. The way you are. The typicalness of you. Why? Why do you do this to me? I don't understand. Do you..actually know, that you do this to me? The things you do should drive me away, not reel me in. I don't understand. Why do I feel something when I shouldn't ? Why do I even think of you? Why do I constantly find myself trying to find you? What hope is there? You're just too far away from me now for me to care, and yet I do. Too much change all at once. It's just too much. But there are those five eventful seconds. Where my thoughts do somersaults. I leave everything just for you, and only you. But. There. Is. No. Hope. 
    Signed. Sincerely, me.


  • Current Music
    The Blood Brothers
icon now

(no subject)


i think ive change my dear friend. and idk if i like it yet. i mean...i dont want thing between everyoen and i to change . i know danielle can see it....and i think some people are pissed. its not like i ask to change or anything. but hey...i kinda like it..i wish i was less destuctive and could just let things be. but no. il just go with the folw..i you my dear friend. plese dont leave me...

&lt;lj user=&quot;thisisrightnow&quot;&gt;

(no subject)


Please don't do to me what you did to her. I thought you liked me better then that.
Did you lead me on? Don't stop talking to me.
I hope i talk to you tonight.
Don't make me sad-again.


(no subject)

Dear Hurricane Frances,

I hate you..

I'm going insane being cooped up in my house for 6 days.. I need to go back to school.. to see my friends and to get away from my parents.

  • Current Music
    Rufio "One Slowdance"