I'm living in your letters.. Breathe deeply from this envelope|
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Sunday, September 5th, 2004
So while I was writing that last post, you were doing what you needed to be and breaking up with her. A choice completely seperate from me and completely based on what each of you needed. I'm glad for that.
Now we're just two screwed up kids with a ton in common, including injured hearts and steady heads. Lets not jump the gun.
To anyone else:
Why does it hurt everytime I read my ex's new girlfriends name? And why does it hurt more thinking that she's being accepted by our mutual friends? I think it has a lot to do with the fact that I am not around to keep my spot and be in on experiences, even though I don't want to be experiencing things with her right now. When does that stop?
| dear you..
i know we both said,that we'd leave those "what if's" behind us...
but im not doing such a good job.
actually, they seem to be multiplying..
but the wierd thing is, i can't seem to think of any of them.
well, just one;
what-if; he doesn't like me anymore.
what-if; im not worth all this.
what-if; he stops giving up on her..
i guess that's more than one.
i know you're more than worth this..
but...what do you think?
i've been meaning to ask you this..
but it never seemed to fit into conversation..
p.s. we need to hangout.. Current Mood: worried
Why is it that sometimes event hough I know my parents love me and are around I feel all alone. I'm at my dad's house and he's gone out every night and I've been asleep when he came in and when I wake up he's doing something. At my mom's I feel like I'm just there and force she has to fdeal with. And I know they sincerely love me even if she screams that she doesn't but I don't feel right here. I feel like I'm merely a guest in both of my houses and I'm just wasteing the time until something changes.
And then there's the issue of friends. I"m not a people person and most likely I won't ever be one but I miss the aspect of having friends to talk to. There's people during the school week at school and then there's people I work with but that's basically all. It's been lonely on the weekends lately. i haven't gone out and done anything recently with anyone and it's old. I blew my chance this weekend to hang out with chris because there was a little hope that we might do something. But seeing as your ignoring all my hello's I take that to mean you've moved past our friendship and onto someone else. I applaude you for that I only wish I could do the same. I just want someone to kiss, as shannon put it. Not a committed relationship not a boyfriend, just someone.
Alas it's only me though and the fictional characters whose lifes I become a part of each time I turn the page. I'm addicted to reading because in reading I've got friends.
Another depressed letter...sorry...Always sorry,
me Current Mood: depressed
I really wish I could read your mind. Honestly, you confuse me beyond belief.
I think it's obvious that I like you, and if you haven't figured it out yet, then I think I need to put a huge neon sign over my head or something. The sucky part, though, is that I have no idea how you feel about ME. I mean, one day you'll treat me like a princess, and the next day you'll treat me like dirt. I really don't understand it. All of my friends tell me time and time again that I have nothing to lose because you feel the same way about me. You don't know how many times they've said that about a guy who ends up hating my guts in the end, leaving me with crushed spirits. So, if there's anything that you can ever do for me, please just stop messing with my head & let me know how you feel.
I wish you understood how much I care about you...then maybe it wouldn't be so hard for you to give me a sign.
That's all.. for now.
I know someone I know is gonna read this haha...
as nice as you seem to be to me, i still think youre a whore. we're all gonna send you to antartica...with a pet rock. we were thinking about a guy with a machetee but no..you'd blow him too.
why the hell are you even talking to her anymore? that whore cheated on you..she slept with another guy. and yet you still like her. and she says she still likes you. wow i wouldve liked you a lot more if it wasnt for that slut who hangs all over you.
i knwo youre a lot smarter than that. why teh fuck are you being such an idiot?
wow i know youre going to read this and fucking hate me forevevr.
I love when you tell me you miss me...or you ask people where I am and how I'm doing.
They never cease to suprise me...and it makes my days worth living. Thanks for not forgeting about me.