why do i always make myself believe that something will happen. especially when i know that not a sman thing will. it's as if i want to hurt myself. i set myself up for dissapointment over and over again and it turns out that it's one thing that i am successful with. why can't someone like me and let me know about it. well at least one hint of liking me. i just want that so much, i'm tired of being alone. why can't i have him....
I am so sorry, i love you. You are so understanding and caring and everything.I would get sick of me complaining about it...i just can't stop i wish i could see how...how am i going to go to all those dances and see everyone together dancing and not want to cry that you wont be there. I know i am diffcult...i just want you to show you care...and want to talk to me...thats all we have..it hurts to lay in my bed with your shirt and wish it was you.. i hate how we live so far apart...i wish i could come down there again or you could come up here..its so hard...i miss you so god damn much.. as happy i am that you dont go to my highschool and you don't go through the drama i do...i wish you did...i wish i could see you..i wish that i could just get a hug from you...and not have to sit here and cry about how much i miss you because i can't see you...I feel like i tell you about him because it'll push you away and i wont feel the hurt i do when i talk to you because we can't get a conversation going because we miss eachother so much. I'm sorry i'll try to stop cause i wish you were here to give me hug...this is when i need you...i need to tell me you love me...and you think i'm beautiful...
I figured out what it is that makes me snap with you. You don't talk to me while making decisions you know I won't like, don't give me any warning, and then you tell me well after the fact.
You ass. It's the part where you don't include me in your thoughts that stings, not the action itself. People trying not to tell me things that I'll find out eventually is one of my biggest pet peeves. It's not even a pet one, it's a wild animal peeve. (or something to that effect)
I'm glad I told you not to talk to me, I know your pattern would just happen over and over again.
If this is how you treat me, I'm praying like hell that you reserve it to break my heart like you know it does. As much as I wanted you to break up with her before, I would much rather you be a decent boyfriend who is maturing and can have the serious relationship you say you want. I hope she can give that to you, but if you don't learn to communicate better and she can't read you like I used to be able to, then you are going to have problems that will never be solved.
I love writing letters. I rarely ever send them, but I do write pages and pages of them. Some letters to my closest people, some to no one in particular. Letters are so personal to me, I could never let anyone to read them. Except this one of course. These past few days have been so giddy. Excitement from the school's preparing for the new stadium assembly, the upcoming three day weekend, another week down to summer...I can't help but get swept along in the excitement, too. Maybe it's because things around me aren't so confusing anymore. My life is settling down again. I dislike the unpredictability of nature; order and systems comfort me. But I'm beginning to actually like these changes.
Fuck you, stop being such a twat and get over yourself. Can't you see that our friendship is at a dead end? We don't get along and everytime I tell you to just leave me alone you go off on some stupid rampant about how I'm just jealous cause I didn't grow up with a dad, how I'm such a 'poser', and how I judge people an not myself. WELL GUESS WHAT?! I do judge myself, but unlike you I am happy with who I am and don't spend my every waking moment dwelling on it. Life's too short to waste our time on those things. You're so fucking ignorant and that's what I hate about you. And you lie to EVERYONE so they think you're cool. NOW WHO'S THE POSER BITCH? You lie about having sex, making out, trying to kill youself, and doing drugs. Is that supposed to be 'cool'? New flash: IT'S NOT! Everyone in the school thinks you're a whore and annoying except for the guys who want to take advantage of you. What's it going to take for you to realize what you're doing to yourself? You're going to end up pregnant by 10th grade and then you'll be sorry.
Have a nice life asshole(no fucking X's and O's for you), Ashley
Today you made me sick to my stomatch. You have some fucking nerve to stand there and make fun of Eric and I. Who do you think you are? Standing there with you're one friend, the only person who wants to even be seen with you, telling us, swearing that we're shit? And what's the matter? You say it from a distance?
Say it to my face. I wish you would just say something to my face and mean it. Even if it's bad. Are you afraid to hear what you might say? Or are you even more afraid that you won't mean when you hear it aloud?
And where were those "hott" girls you dumped me for this summer? Didn't see them much around you...or let me re-phrase that, AT ALL. Pssh, sorry honey, but they're not going to be interested this year when they can have hott mature older men. You'll be the last thing on their minds.
I was a fool.
I don't know what it was about today, but it made me see you for who you have always been. A liar. A jerk.
I thought you were different and you did a swell job of proving me wrong.
I can't wait until it all comes around again.
Dumping me was the best favor you could have ever done for me.