August 29th, 2004

cause a long night means a fist fight against your pillow

its on my mind, everyday.
every where i go- downtown birmingham, fountain walk, the mall, football games- i ask around for you.
i want to kick you in your face.
i want to scream at you.
i want to say the cruelest things to you, slap you, turn around, begin to cry, and run away.
you were my "best friend forever".
i trusted you.

while matt was in juvinile, he wrot me a letter. it was the second, and last letter he sent me. he said he knows something that will break my heart. but he couldnt tell me...?

i have my ways though. i have my connections.


let me explain---



shot yourself.Collapse )

touch and look; Icon by alwssa

A Letter Drenched in Painstaking Tears

Dear Sion,

Times are tough when you can't see the one you love because distance is a factor to the two of us. You live South...and I live here, suburbia. Every house looks exactly the same, every mowed lawn average like the rest. And after meeting you, I thought I'd never feel the same...and I haven't. I truly feel like you're the only one who knows me, but we'll never see each other face to face; only pics of us can meet each other as they stumble across the same path on the web. And so you know soon I won't be able to talk to you online antmore because of the comprehensions of a mother in dire need of attention to pull me away from you. And so I sit on this shattered folding chair that sits through all the conversations we had, and this heart you seem to touch a lot is one that felt every word that affected me strongly.

All I wanted was to be held in your arms, just once...and my first kiss. I always wanted my first kiss to be special, and well.. *pulling her knees close to her chest* I wanted my first kiss to be with you. You're the only one who truly cared for me, never looking at how intelligent I am or how pretty I compare to with other girls. Because of you, I think there is hope for me again...and so, I'm leaving soon. And now I feel you don't care that I'll be gone. I would've suspected you'd be here for my last few days, but everytime I try talking to you, you push me away... All I seem to wonder is if you really do care for me. Am I too much of an interference in your life; please tell me, tell me before I leave. I just want to know that you're here for said you would.

I remember the words that really told me that you wouldn't let go of me Sion:"You be careful too; I dont want anything bad to happen to you...I will always be here for you if you need someone to listen or talk to..."

So where are you right now, now that I'm intoxicated with painful tears? Crying my heart out hoping someone would hear my screams? I'm staring out at the stars wondering if you see the same stars as I, but then I think...I'm not good enough for you... So for this time being, I lay hear crying with emotionless eyes looking out the window, hoping you'd come back...but hope is something that seems more of a wish.

I just...I ju-ju-st wanted to te-te-tell you that I-I-I-I love you...

Signed, Mariliz

"Look for the girl with the broken smile, ask her if she wants to stay awhile."-Maroon 5

  • Current Music
    "Pretty Girl (The Way)"-Sugarcult
icon now

(no subject)

dear you`s,

you all broke me at once, like a friggen mirror you each took to with a bat. well mabey i just was beign to confidet and should not have gotten my hopes up so high, mabey i should not have said anyitng at all. you two over there have no idea whats going on. you with one of my best friends and you whos 3 years older then me. your totally bolivouse to why i like to talk with you, at you, around you, about you. if i was not such a chicken then mabey id be able to tell all of you. but then we get to you. now i think i would have been better off not knowing. and becuase i did say someting...well i deside to dumb down my enegry. become like i was. and just let things role. and just stop thinking for my self. i guess then ill be able to escapre the fact that im broken and that now
all im is
of broken
  • Current Mood
    crushed crushed

(no subject)

Dear You,

I can't believe you're doing this to me again. I can't believe after all we've been through you're hurting me again. Why must you always do this? Right when I think everything is going amazing, everything seems so perfect, you have to ruin it. Why do you play with my emotions like this? Does it run in your blood to betray the ones you love? It is not fair. Do you wanna know what else isn't fair? If you came back to me today, tomorrow, a hundred years from now, or anywhere in between I will be here waiting for you. I'll accept you again with open arms. Why? Because I keep thinking that maybe one day it will be different. Maybe the day you come back to me is when you realize what you've been missing out on, and you'll realize how amazing I am, and how you'll never find a girl that will put up with you like I did and you will never find a girl who will care as much as I did, because you'll realize that no one will waist all their time on someone like you and someone who loves you as much I do, and maybe when this happens you'll try extra hard to hold on and keep things right and we can finally live happily ever after like it's supposed to be.

Love always,
  • Current Music
    Brand New - Failure By Design

Dear You,

Ive got to admit youre nothing special, but i still think youre amazing.
You are very caring for the age you are, and with my age considered youre the best.
And when i first saw you, with how many times i'd seen you around, i could have sworn you were way out of my league...
Those eyes of youres just connected instantly with mine and that smile you gave me i just melted.
That night i met you i smiled for the first time in a long while and it was a real smile.
Love Beth
  • Current Music
    Breaking Benjamin - So Cold
love me dammit.

(no subject)

dear love,

knowing that i could be sitting in my underwear without you judging my body, is the sexiest thing imaginable. i love you. sometimes it is hard for me to tell you things, because i know they are stupid girlie thinkings that i shouldn't be thinking. and i wouldn't think these things if i were your friend. i just love you and i know things are on their way to getting better. now that i've told you a lot of stuff thats been on my mind for so many months. just building and building. you're all kinds of wonderful.

  • Current Music
Masuimi Max

(no subject)

The world is a giant
puzzle: each continent
and spreading sea
floor a natural dividing
line for the pieces, each
country and county border
a complicated portion
made to simplify and
to improve on nature’s
own separation lines.
Tell that to the UN, to
the postal service, the
ambassadors and the internet
providers; they don’t seem to
realize what the point of
a border is.

Keep it separate, keep it
simple. We cannot handle

In my bed there’s a question
of who has been united
here before and how long
it lasted until all connections
were severed or lost. Was it
roommates bonding for
the first week, then finding
better friends? Rabid teens
grinding their hips together
for one night? A first love
later deserted by shifting
personality and interest? I
shouldn’t wonder.

Keep it separate, keep it
simple. We cannot handle