August 22nd, 2004


im writing again...

dear you,
i hate the fact that i cant tell you how i feel. im reminded ever time i hear that song, everything i cant say. in the end i just want you to know who i am.

i just relized why i could never be with you
  • Current Music
    the cure :pictures of you:

(no subject)

dear you, and you,

you're backstabbing bitches. I hate you both. stop trying to talk to me, stop leaving me messages, and stop acting like you still need me. you're making me the victim, everyone can see it and everyone is feeling sorry for me, I hate it. I hate you. go to hell, both of you, together. thanks for reminding me what it's like to be the third wheel. thanks for making me realize you never were friends in the first place. thanks for screwing me over. thanks for fucking nothing.

is this what you call tact?
I swear you're subtle as a brick in the small of my back.
so let's end this call, and end this conversation.
there's nothing worse.. I swear you have no idea.

so down another bottle
and watch me tear you to pieces
this is me wishing you into the worst situations.



  • Current Music

(no subject)

To no one in particular:

Putting all of myself into this.
Nothing else has ever felt so right.
No matter what happens, I’ll always have this time. And this feeling. The way I feel right now, in this moment.
My fears slowly fade away.
It’s such a wonderful feeling.
Comfort and home.
It sweeps over me,
and in this moment,
I feel content.
I don’t need anything more than this…than right now.
Just let me keep this feeling. Just for a little while.

(no subject)

hey you.

I'm worried about you.
Maybe I'm just being ridiculous..
But, I'm worried about you.
And I'll continue to worry about you until I hear from you once again.
I need to hear your voice, and to hear you say the hear you say that you're okay.


Trapped... in the old house.

To You,
It's a quiet, gloomy day. It's beautiful and I love it.
You are challenging me to give you an adventure. Don't tempt me. I would. But my work schedule is not allowing it. I need a night with you in a new city. A random night in Vernon, an adventure somewhere besides downtown Kelowna which we both know "like the back of our hands". Met everyone worth meeting. Climbed everywhere worth climbing. Had every adventure worth having. We've done it all there. We need a new one. In the past few days I have had moments where I couldn't stand you. I don't know why. I just had to say it. Like right now I just said your name attached to the longest line of swear words known to man. At this very moment I can say "I fucking hate you, you piss the fucking hell out of me. You are a fake moron who deserves no ones attention because you think so highly of yourself. Fuck off."
But as soon as I am done writing that, I realize I don't mean any of it. My life would be bad right now without you. You keep me entertained. Distracted. I do the same for you. But you need me, more then I need you - I see that right now. It's okay, we'll work through it.
I need to go away for a little while and get myself a social life - I need it. I hate this. I am more trapped then you are. I should get away from us for awhile.
I guess I love you.

(no subject)

dear _ _ _ _ _ _ & _ _ _ _ _
i love you
i love you
i love you
i love you
i love you
i love you
i love you
i love you
i love you
i love you
i love you
i love you
i love you
i love you
why do you not see it?
  • Current Mood
    indescribable indescribable


dear me,

Who have you become. I just read over conversations from kelly brian and ryan and you're different in them. You tell them to go for what they want you make it sound like everything was possible you made it sound like you knew all of the answers. Back then you were so sure of yourself and what you were doijng. Positive that wlaking away would in the end bring happiness. And now all you have left is one person from the first two years of high school and they don't even go to your school. You might see them once a week if you're lucky. Adn yet in those conversatiosn you were so willing to give up everything just to make them happy. That was your goal in life and it sounded so right and it made so much sense except you weren't happy. And even now after secluding yourself for a while and hanging out for only a while you've got nothing.

Even if you weren't happy back then you knew the truth and what was going on in their lifes. and now your soo afraid to pry to deep so afraid to ask too many questions. You don't know what they think day to day. It used to be that you could find out things that you could see them in school and see their actions and pick up through others what was going on but now you don't have that.

What were you thinking when you took that walk away. You thought that letting go of everyone would allow you to reinvent yourself into what ever you wanted to be but that failed didn't it. YOur hair is really long and you won't cut it until the end of the year because two people said they liked long hair. Your at this school pretending to be happy because you were to lazy to actually search for somewhere else and tro lazy to take a third year of language.

Maybe mrs. Davidson should have never placed " question everything" in your head because now you truely are questioning everything includeing actions you can't undo. Chris isn't helping you in that either. He's a great guy who actually liked you and you went out with him once this summer and then didn't call before he left. You never know what you could have gotten but you're still here still struggling over the same things you always have been. And all you want to do is run away to arizona to college. What will you do then completely lose touch of everyone in a hopes that you will actually find someone to fit in with. Some one who is capable of making you happy. Or will you grow to be some old lady sitting at home by herself in her rocking chair for the rest of her life.

It's a love hate relationship,