August 20th, 2004


that guy

Dear self...
Do you realize that chris has just left for college and you didn't even say good bye. Do you realize that you've now lost another part of you and you were tooo busy to realize that. YOu know he wasn't ever the one or wasn't the serious boyfriend type of guy...that you two were too different to overcome it...but I know you miss him. Miss those jokes and all that was part of christopher thomas or his other names.
I let him leave without saying goodbye and he just called and sounded so sad. Why is it that the one person who really really likes you you only kinda like if you like them at all and the one person you really like sees you as only a friend. Sometimes its sad, but you did what you thought was right and he said he understood, just hope he really understood.
Make sure you have fun this year for him and make sure you call just to say hey every once in a while.

So christopher although you will never see it's time to move on. Whether or not I was that girl or the one you never kissed, although that's not true. I will no longer be that girl. So many things are between us including other people and sometimes you need to remember that waiting until the last minute to say somthing is never good.

best of wishes

(no subject)

dear jason,

happy eleven effing months.
it's been fun.

sorry for being a jerk most of the day.
you know i never meant it.
i had a bad morning.
you know, my friend telling me he was going to marry a girl you cheated on me with...
and then feeling sick most of the day...
and then walking to spanish two,
the girl i hate the most walking up and playfully punching you,
yeah, that wasn't cool.
that's why i got angry.
that's why i made you upset and then ran off.
yeah, i don't like your friend.
i honestly hope she gets in a car wreck on the way to the show tonight.
nothing would make me happier.

i love you.
&i hate your friends.

good luck tonight.
you and the boys will be incredible.
then we'll sneak out in the pouring rain to the loading dock where we always run and kiss each other like nothing else in the world matters.
  • Current Mood
    pissed off vindictive

waiting game

Dear Scott,
Exactly a week ago you walked back into my life and turned it upside down. You told me that she'd left you, that you were hurt but also relived. I sat with you while you held me telling me that i was beautifil, i made you cry when i told you id support you through anything you wanted. Even taking her back. Unfortunatly in my ignorance i neglected to mention just how much it sould hurt if you did. I will support you if you let her back, but it will break my heart and i will cry until i have nothing left.

I hate the fact that tonight your with her talking... when last week i was in your arms, im jelous and frightend that she'll make you cut contact with me again. I'm frightened that after i got you to possible keep, shes still there. I hate the fact i can t call and ask how its all going. I hate to think that maybe she'll stay the night. I feel unlike i ever have before. I'm bursting with emotion and my feelings for you but i cant even call you to tell you? Let alone spend the night in your arms again.

I must confess, im so scared but i've offered you all that i have, and im confident that is enough. I dont need to worry but i do, i think ive fallen for you far to hard. I think i could be happy with you for a long time. Im just waiting and watching for that time when these can be a possibility.

I miss you even though i saw you on Tuesday, I wish i was with you, Finally i trust my feelings and myself. I know ive given you what i can and i will not beat myself if this all falls apart after one week of pure joy.

Love Michelle
  • Current Music
    Always by Saliva