I cant believe you. I wish i could hate you so much. I hate how i cant hate you or stay mad at you. no matter how bad you treat me, i always go back to you. Youre lucky Im still here for you. Youre lucky that I still talk to you. You put me thru hell when we broke up. You called it a "break" and then you started dating kristina. You knew I hated her. Then you ignore my calls. You ignore me just all together. what the fuck matthew?! You couldnt TALK or see me or have anything to do with me. All because of her. Who were best friends since 7th grade? US. I knew we shouldve never started dating. I told you it was a bad idea on that long thanksgiving weekend in november. But you didnt want to listen. You told me you loved me and that nothing would change between us no matter what. and if we broke up then we will still be as close as we were. Boy were you wrong. I was perfectly content dating david at the time. Then you get stoned and as we are driving home you kiss me. I know, its not all of your fault. I kissed you back. I had butterflies. I loved you. but i knew it wouldnt work. BUt, after you pleading, i break up with david who was perfect, for you. and we date. for how long? about 4 months? then a month of being on a "break". whatever. thats bullshit. Im sorry. But no. My whole life was flipped. I had lost my best friend. and a guy who REALLY cared for me... david. You claimed you still loved me and that everything was going to be alright and go back to normal just buddys again. You were wrong once again. I would call you, to talk to you, like i would in the old days, and you would just ignore my calls. you hated me. or it seemed like. Then you date kristina. whoa. i cant believe you. You lie to me and make up excuses just so you dont have to hang out with me?! wow. youre really sweet. what happened to the matt i use to know and love? hmm? the matt that would come over all the time and just lay in my bed and talk to me about anything. the matt who would bring me flowers all the time just because! the matt who would call me everyday when they got home from school. the matt who would come to my tennis matches and cheer for me? the matt who was just always... there.
He disappeared. Bring him back.
So you broke up with kristina. Whos the first person you called? Me. why? please, dont break me this time. I cannot take it. You are now calling me again. Asking me to hang out. coming over. calling me baby. telling me you love me. all these things. you do this for a week, then just ignore me again for a couple days and then call me saying you had been busy. Im sorry. so am i just a toy to you? seriously. when you want some, you come over and are all sweet. then once you get it you run away and turn into the jerk. What did i ever do to you?
And for my birthday. Yeah. whatever. I stop by, carsons there. so im like ok and ask you to hang out later. you say maybe. I dont hear from you for the rest of the day. remember your birthday? Do you remember what I did for you!? While you were at your baseball game, i filled your car with balloons, bought you flowers, for all those times you bought ME flowers, and made a card out of all the pictures of me and you. then i wrote you a long letter telling you how much i cared about you and how glad i was to be with you and etc. What did you get/do for me for my birthday? Not a damn thing. I would think you would get me something. anything. I mean, you are one of my best friends. and you dont even hang out with me on my birthday. thanks.
Im so fed up with all the shit you put me thru. Youre lucky i still want anything to do with you. or still talk to you. or anything.
I dont know what to do anymore. Im so fed up. I wish i could just hate you and forget about you. But i cant. you are a big part of my life. and i love you. even though i wish i hated you.
Youre such a jerk. and you dont even care when i get mad at you! youre just like ok bye.
If you cared about me 1/2 as much as you say you do, then maybe we wouldnt be in this mess.
Go back to the old matt.
I love you.