August 13th, 2004

(no subject)

sometimes i feel like im in need of counseling. last night was another night without you, but it wasnt that that hurt so much. you were with her. i felt like i was being replaced bc you were supposed to spend time with me. nothing matter in my head at that point anymore, i didnt see the fact that id be with you for a week, all i saw was her and all i felt was helpless. my phone is now broken into pieces as i threw it across the room in anger, and my hands are still sore from where i smacked the wall in furry. My eyes are red from the crying i did and that feeling in my stomach is still lurking. i know i was over reacting, and unforcunatly i do tend to do that. im sorry babe, i just realized in that moment that i wanted to be with you for the rest of my life, and i knew that although we do have a relationship, its the type that cant stop you from being with other girls. i get so jealous sometimes that it seems that this isnt even worth worrying about anymore. i love you with all my heart, i guess im just asking your forgiveness. i know this girl means nothing to you, but im just not ready for her, or any girl for that matter, to take my place and find their way into your life. i realized that i may never be ready for that, and thats something i have to deal with on my own. you're the best thing that has happened to me and you truly showed me how to become the person i always wanted to me. i found myself again, i found a reason to stay alive. i thank you for this and i ask your forgiveness. we're going to be together for a while now babe, friends til the end of time, and sometimes im gonna do stuff that you wont like bc im a jealous girl, thats how i am. but i am always going to be there, and im always going to lvoe you. so my baby i ask your forgiveness, and hope that you'll accept this apology. you mean the world to me, and no matter what, thats how itll always be.
<3 always
your sunshine

(no subject)

take me past the color of your eyes. take me from the past of all my mistakes to where the future lies, and I know that my moods were changing like the weather. do you ever dream of us together? now I just want to show you who I am. holding on to dreams we collide, we had our futures, our reasons, our fingers on the trigger. when we base our joy on the things that we see, we lose the trust in it all and the faith we believe. if you'd just trust in me, you know I trust you. we'll do all the things that you've dreamed to do. if you'd just let go. if let your heart go. remember when I used to be your everything? now I'm nothing at all. trust me I've tried to let you go, but I can't move on. what I do now will affect what comes then and this life that I lead will be everything you need. I pray to be all that you dream and I'll die trying to be. - this providence

this song seems more than perfect for us write now...why cant u just let go... i cant give up yet your a part of me now and without you im pretty much said it yourself last night that lately i havent been acting like me and that im not as happy.... its because you were my happiness... you and i both know that..

august 20th 2003 - the day we met the day we started a year of being off and on with miss it too or else you wouldnt have brought up all our memories last night =/
  • Current Music
    heart shaped box <-- nirvanna


dear stephen lynch,

when i found out that you and mitch hedburg were on tour together, and coming to dallas, i nearly fainted. it's going to be really really hard for me to make it to your show, but i love both of you so incredibly much i could pee myself (but i won't. i promise). i am trying really really hard to make it to your show. if you could please, please pleeaaase have an all-ages show in dallas, i swear i will either
a) become your personal slave
b) pay double to get in
c) make you cookies (damn good ones)
d) kiss your ass. a lot. and i'll throw in the cookies for free.

if you don't, i'll beat you up.


p.s. i won't really beat you up, i'm a weakling.
  • Current Music
    mindless self indulgence - pantyshot

I need YOUR help

I've got to choose five things that i've learned they can be funny or serious but I've got a problem I've got too many. So I was wondering if you could help me out.

  1. I've learned that flip-flops can be worn in the snow
  2. I've learned that love unreturned is still loe
  3. I've learned that sometimes all you need is a hand to hold
  4. I've learned that lacrosse balls thrown at high speeds leave bruises even through goalie pads
  5. I've learned that no matter how much you read you'll never escape your real life
  6. I've learned that what a person says can change someone elses world
  7. I've learned that happiness is often fleeting
  8. I've learned that rain isn't always bad...after all you can dance in it.
  9. I've learned that being able to solve a logic puzzle doesn't mean you have common sense.

More soon to come...this will be cross posted.


two letters

Dear Christopher I felt like tonight when we talked we actually cleared things up. We were completely honest. I told you about my relationship with Ryan and how I couldn't risk that person to go out with you one more time. You're leaving and I'm soo proud of you for that. there are so many memories I ahve of us and It's nice to learn that you have these too. here's our conversation... Read more...Collapse )

I don't think I'll be calling him

Dear Ryan. I wish you were at your computer answering so I could tell you all of this. I wanted to talk to you during it and ask if you wanted to go out and do something this weekend not because wanted an exscuse but because I want to see you again soon and I'm scared that with school and both of us working we won't find the time. I don't want that to happen