August 12th, 2004

dear ashley

why THE FUCK would i be jealous of you? you are the worst fucking thing. you think because people think you are a complete bitch that they are jealous of you? sorry, but thats not the way it works. i think your a slut. and your rude and inconsiderate to other people and your just plain terrible. you have what, 3 friends, and the people that you think are your friends roll their eyes at US about you when you do something stupid. you know what. i cant wait till i go to college either because then i dont have to deal with your's or chris's stupid small town napanee bullshit. and i dont have to see your stupid face anymore. you say me and carrie and amber are complicated friends? then why is it, that we can all be friends. while everyone who is fighting is fighting with YOU!. you think being a little kid makes you look cute. news. its annoying and its about time to fucking grow up.
  • Current Music
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Masuimi Max

(no subject)

To Discover

Somehow it seems
That all I wanted has been swept away
Leaving me
With a shell of yesterday
Ready to be filled
By new thoughts, memories, beliefs
I’m expected to continue
To live
Full force into an unknown
To find
Fresh things to hold dear
What choice do I have?
I have the time
To rebuild
There is no saying no
No turning back
So my choice is made
To greet
The new day with a yes
On my lips
To go
Not to search for the cast aside
But to discover what it means
To Love

Thanks for talking to me, reminding me that it's not that you don't care, it's that you "know" a serious relationship didn't work last time. What I forgot to mention is that when we dated, I didn't have any real notion of what a serious relationship meant and when it happened I freaked out, as any person caught that much off guard would do. It's kind of like when I was little, I thought that guys just asked you to marry them, not because they really knew you, but because of that "love at first sight" sort of thing. it took me years to figure out that relationships exist and that there is a very special connection between the people in them. I get that now, but I also get that you and I aren't "perfect" for each other. As easy as it is for me to understand you and everything you go through, I need someone more articulate, someone who'll tell me what's going on in his head instead of keeping it to himself and making me guess. So what if I guess right all the time, it still sucks to try to figure it out on my own. I'm just sorry you didn't feel like you could talk to me about it all before the surprise of the new girl.

I'm really happy that we're trying to be friends. I'm just sorry that it takes you having a girlfriend to make that happen. But your idea of being penpals while i'm at college was the sweetest thing.
Thank you for letting me talk. I needed it so badly.

love you regardless, just don't want you-
my shoes

(no subject)

Dear Marc,

This song always makes me think of you.

I've grown so close to you lately... so close that it's actually rather terrifying. Three days in a row we've had the same experience where you work "I love you" into a conversation, and every time I'm completely taken aback by it. The first time, I laughed. The second time I said, "I know." The third time, I just smiled and walked away. You're so sweet and adorable and you're that great combination of complete geeky nerd and jock at the same time. And you looked at me today, and you wanted to kiss me. I could tell by the way you were looking into my eyes and the way your hand brushed mine. Why can't I say I love you back?? Oh, yeh, that's right. I have a boyfriend. Oh, that guy. The one who's always grumpy and never appreciates a damn thing I do. That guy. The guy who acts like he just doesn't give a fuck whether I'm with him or not. Yeh, that guy.

I know Amber wants to get with you. She wants to get with every guy that I hang out with. First, James. Then, Benji. Now probably you too. I'd understand if something happens. I mean, I can't lay any claims to you. You can do whatever you want with whomever you want. Just not with her. Please. The way she had her arm around you today was driving me crazy. Then again, I'm not entirely sure you were all too comfortable with it either. Just.... if you're going to do something, make it someone that I don't have to see everyday. That's all I ask.

  • Current Music
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(no subject)

Can't you see 
That I wanna be
There with open arms
It's empty tonight 
And I'm all alone
Get me through this one

Do you notice I'm gone?
Where do you run to
So far away?

I want you to know that 
I miss you, I miss you so
I want you to know that
I miss you, I miss you so

I'm writing again
These letters to you
Aren't much I know
But I'm not sleeping and 
You're not here
The thought stops my heart

Do you notice I'm gone?
Where do you run to
So far away?

No more looking,
I've found home

I want you to know that
I miss you, I miss you so
I want you to know that
I miss you, I miss you so
I want you to know that
I miss you, I miss you so
I want you to know that
I miss you, I miss you so

I've gone away
Letters to you // Finch
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