I'm living in your letters.. Breathe deeply from this envelope|
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Wednesday, August 11th, 2004
Do you realize how hard it was for me tonight? To tell you everything i had been keeping to myself for over 5 years now? How much i hate everyone in this house, how much i hate my father...if thats what you call him. You can not tell me that everything i feel is not suppose to be felt, because i have been dealing with it for soo long, it took me sooo much to break down and tell you everything and not just sit there and cry infront of you and not telling you one goddamn thing, i could of just sat there and stared into space and tell you its none of your bussiness, but i couldnt do it anymore, my head hurt to much from all the stress i cause myself, i have soo many knots in my back from everything...after i talked to you i crawled up my stairs and layed on my floor...inside i was screaming cause my head hurt sooo much and it wouldnt stop, i couldnt make it stop, but again all you did was sit outside and talk to dad like i wasnt bawling my eyes out upstairs in my room.. everything i felt/feeling has every right to be felt, you have no idea what i have gone through there is so much i havent told you, that i probably wont tell you....but i can live with that, i have been all my life...you just dont know that
i love you and i miss you a lot. =] thanks so much for being in my live. you mean the world to me. i wont ever stop loving you. i promise you that. i care about you so much and i wish you could spend everyday with me.
i love you baby, and it hurts me each time i think about last summer and the pain i had to go through and your pain and how much i wanted to be there with you. to make things ok. i wish i could have been there babe, i really do bc i dont ever want to see you hurt and i promise ill always protect you from any pain. you're my best friend, you always will be. please dont be afraid to tell me anything, i do get jealous bc babe i realized im not ready to lose you just yet. in that i mean im not ready to have another girl come into your life. i love you and no matter what happens
ill always love you and you'll always have a place in my heart. whether or not we get married or whatnot ill always care about you and id do anything to protect you and make it so you'd never feel pain. i love you babe, you're my reason for my 180 that i turned this year. thank you for giving me back so much, and no matter what happens, ill love you my whole life, i promise you that.
i love you my starshine.
love always and forever
|I don't know if your wings are real, but I've never seen you without them
We are together again. I don't know whether I am happy or oh-so-stupid. I llove you, and I know the feeling is mutual. We have such little control when it comes to "us". I was amazed we made it through two nights of us being constantly around each other... we were fine. We were good as friends. Hell, you are my best friend.... but then there came that moment where suddenly the touching was too friendly. Where will we go now? I already shed the tears and words on us not being together. I already felt how bad it was. Yet I'll get into it again... only to be hurt again.
No... not to be hurt, to be happy in the meanwhile with you. Whatever happens with us happens, we have a year together until we HAVE to be just friends... I can do that, or for now I think I can.
Dear you, Current Mood: indescribable
Why do you have to act the way you do? You're slowly destroying every single fragment of my heart that I ever gave you. I wish you knew how your words hurt me every time I hear you say them. You say I don't keep promises? Well take a step back & look at your life, have you kept any promises to me other than you love me? What's love without the promise of forever?
I love you...
so like im sitting here in my towel naked underneath..wondering what has my life become..i need to do some laundry..i need to get a hold of corey..i need to stop dicking around and get a job..my life has a purpose..so its time to fight..
ill love you always..Alecia
i had a miserable birthday. and its all your fault. why wont you try and make this work.
i wish i could hate you.
but i can't.
nicole Current Mood: angry
Dear SOHS and all that roam it's halls,
I'm already not happy with you. Already Had to pretend and had to lie. Had to make it seem like it was going to be okay but it's not and talking to people makes it feel worse. School today was everything I left behind last year and I hate that. I want to be happy. I want my summer back so that I can hang out with a person who makes me happy and not worry about homework and my peers.
I hate this chool. I hate the fact that it got too crowded and I lost so many friends from the school split. I hate that I let myself lose them and yet I feel like every single person has moved on but I. I miss those people and I've got elizabeth and Kaycee in classes and some other fun people like Matt but I really wanted those years back. Oh well.
To SOHS I hate the fact that you will have taken four years of my life away and to give me what? Friendships that won't stand the test of time. God I hate this. I literally hate my life at this school and to think I stayed in part because of you. I didn't leave because your the one person left in my life and yet I hate it in part because I can't get over that I lost a friend because of actions you took. All told I hate it. I want my life in the summer. I want my books and my quilts. I want Nathen at Fastbreak and I want to relax.
But the first day of school is over and I've got homework yet to do and frankly I already don't care about. I need a book to balance on my head. I need something else but it's beyond my grasp...Actually I know what it is. I want out of SOHS already and it's one day and over a 175 more to go. I can't say hate enough.
South Oldham High School's first day of senior year was everything I left behind last year
The involved student who hates you.