I'm living in your letters.. Breathe deeply from this envelope|
[Most Recent Entries]
Tuesday, August 10th, 2004
|Chalk lines smeared across the floor.
I've been around you for the past couple of days, and nights. The movie was over and we lay as close as we could get in each others arms on the couch. No one could be closer then us at that moment. I felt your hips against mine, and your fingres ran across my back, then up to brush the hair out of my eyes. This wasn't a friendships' soft touch... The line between us was erased. I don't know what to think about it. I didn't stop it. I could have said no but I didn't want to of course. I value will power.... mind over matter above all things. I still know what I am capable of. But I know what I want, and that would be you. The line is erased. I could have said no, and so could you. But we chose this. And like we said... lets just see where this goes until it begins to feel wrong again. Chalk lines smeared across the floor.
I do love you.
I don't know if your wings are real, but I've never seen you without them.
| The first step away was easy. We're better off alone. I guess I'll wait and see what direction the future heads in. I'll wait until then to look back.
Jennilin Current Mood: perfect
|from me to you
i thought i loved you. i did love you. but obviously, the feeling wasn't mutual. you told me so much shit about how perfect i was for you. how smart and funny and beautiful i was. you fed me so many lies. all i was to you was just another summer hook-up. and it's quite clear to me now that the only thing that you cared about was that i looked at least half-decent. because if you gave a shit about my personality then you would at least try to make this work. and its obvious now that you weren't even willing to try. which pisses me off. i would have done anything for you. and i think you knew that. i've never fallen for a guy before. i was always so smart. so careful. analyzing everything that they said, taking things slowly. until you. you were different. you were...amazing. you made me feel so incredibly special. but its clear now that everything that you said, all of it, they were all lies. if i was perfect, you would be willing to try. you would be willing to make
this work. and i wish i could hate you for this. i wish i could be mad at you, and call you an ass hole, and say you weren't worth it and that i wish i never met you. but i'm glad we met and i don't hate you. and if you were to call me right now and say you changed your mind i would take you back in a second. and if you had said you wanted to stay with me but be able to get with other people i would have dealt with it. but you didn't even do that so i must not of meant to much to you at all. my birthday is tomorow. i know you know that. i told you a million times. i wonder if you only did this now so you wouldn't have to send me a present. or if it's because school started. i guess i'll never know since you gave me that stupid excuse ''its not going to work''. whatever. one day i'll be a modle. and i'll be on the cover of every magazine and you'll show your friends and say 'hey i dated her!' and i hope none of them believe you. one day i'll marry a rock star or a basket ball player and we'll live happily ever after.
and maybe one day ill mean part of what i just said. because right now i don't. i love you. i hate you. i want you. i miss you.
nicole Current Mood: confused
i haven't seen my friends in a long time. i'm really sorry to everyone i haven't seen. i keep telling myself i can go on friday's to see you but i never do. i feel like such a bad friend and i'm really sorry. i miss how it used to be, i miss us always talking with eachother and not only talking twice a week if i'm lucky. summer changes everything, and i shouldn't have let it. i don't want to lose alot of you, you're all so much god damn fun. weather we'll admit it or not we HAVE grown apart. we don't talk like we used to. our conversations die down in less that 10 minuets. i feel like we won't talk much anymore, and i really wish i could stop it. i miss you all so much. i have no life anymore without you guys. i sit at home and do nothing all day, when before we went out all the time. went everywhere. did everything. talked non-stop online and on the phone. now it's silent. you're online but don't speak to me. once in a blue moon we do. i just miss the old days.
damn you for breaking up with me. damn you for doing it two days before my birthday. maybe you just didn't realize that it might hurt me if you broke up with me. well it did
.i should be happy right now. i should be excited right now. my birthday is tomorow goddamnit. i should at least not be crying
. you have horrible timing.
nicole Current Mood: disappointed