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I'm living in your letters.. Breathe deeply from this envelope
 
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Tuesday, August 3rd, 2004

Time Event
10:35a
I cannot see through your costume because the shade of black is too bold for my eyes to try & see. Covered by my eyelids, they can only roll to the back of my head & sit idle.. almost as idle as your heart, 'cos as we all know, you've never put it towards a worthy cause. I'm beginning to think of you as unworthy, selfish, &vulgar. I can't say this is something new, because asshole was always an adjective under your name, is & an. Like film in a projector, we go round in circles, played over & over yet we still continue to repeat. Eventually the lights will blow and the red curtain will soon cover the screen. Maybe by then we'll give up on fictional love. Maybe by then we'll give up on fictional love.
1 ||x
12:58p
Are you out there at all? Anywhere? Wherever you are, I need you... so much.
x
11:58p
Am I toy?
Dear world hat's around me!

Am I having fun with the looks i got? No, I am trying to get rid of them, if they dont go away, what the fuk am I supposed to do? It's so frakin easy to say and advise, only the person who goes through understands. Nobody understands my pain and nobody can or nobody will. Deep inside I am happy with the way I am...If I got no problems with the way I am why do u guys hav? To make them I am doing what they are teling me to do? Is it my fault?
Every single fukin damn day, Every single fukin damn day, I wish, I wish, I soo wish that I were like the way my parents wanted me. I am just tired of everything....am soo tired....I can't, I just can't hold on anymore.
Mom and Dad say all those things that they want to, I understand their pain, I swear by god I do...But
Who am I gonna talk to about this? That "Hey anu, look my parents don't like. what am i supposed to do?" I don't want to look like an idiot cryig in front my friends who can't even understand my pain...I have no objection in sharing my happiness, but sharing my sorrow? I just can't do that.
Am I toy who got no feeligs? Just everyone will say whatever they feel like? I am sick, am soo sick of hearing the same shit over and over again and again...And who am I talking to now?
Eveytime I look at myself in the mirror the only thing I see is some girl who is some piece of shit, and worth of nothing. And yes I know what to do and I have been doing since years and I hav been getting the same shit from others for years.

Current Mood: depressed
4 ||x

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