why won't you answer your phone? why won't you call me back?
do you even know how much i care about you? how much i like you? i dont think that you do. and honestly untill today i don't think i knew either.
you see today, the guy that i have like since first grade asked me to hook up with him. and i said no. in fact, my heart didn't start to race when his little im box popped onto the screen. i didnt even care. i dont like him anymore. not one bit.
and if you don't understand how huge of a deal that is, then let me take this time to explain. i have liked this guy since first grade. that is a long time in case you haven't noticed. 10 whole years. i met him in first grade and we stopped talking in third because he got held back and i didnt. but i never stopped liking him. even when he moved. i went a good two years without seeing him once and i still liked him. he has screwed me over numerous times and it hasn't stopped me from liking him. at one time i even thought that i loved him. but when he talked to me today i felt nothing. in fact, since i met you, i haven't been the least bit attracted to any guy that i have seen. i also saw aleksey today. the guy that i have liked since sixth grade. i no longer hate his girlfriend for stealing him from me. for taking the chance that i should have taken. i dont even care what would of happened if he had picked me over her. it doesn't seem to matter anymore.
if you didn't know before how much i liked you. i hope you do now.
but of course you don't. because you won't answer the phone. and you won't call me back. and even though i'm writing you this letter i know that i'll never have the guts to send it.
i just wish that you would answer your phone. i wish i could at least find out where you are so i can stop wondering and i wish i could know when you'll be back so i could stop calling you 3 times a day.
i wish you didn't live so far away. and i really
wish i could talk to you. i have so many questions for you.
what do you want to do about this?
i could very well go a long time, days, weeks, months, without doing anything at all with another guy. today proved that to me. but not to say that i don't trust you but you're a guy. i know how guys are. and i won't blame you if you can't do it. i'm sure that it will kill me. but i'll deal with it. what else can i do.
i miss you.