To My Dearest Starshine,
the dicussions we have are always helpful to me, helpful in the sense that i know whats going on in your head.
i realize lately i have been a little over emotional and i apologize. i tend to overreact and the thought of not seeing you for a longer period of time got me in a twist. i vow that im not going to make you feel guilty, and ill try my hardest not to overreact.
the thought of losing you even for a short period of time scares me. you've done so much for me throughout my life and sometimes i get scared at the fact that at any point and time you could find someone.
friends first has been what we've lived by for the past year, and i wouldnt have it any other way. you are my best friend and the onyl one that i know i can go to for anything. its hard for me to think of you with another girl, and to think that our time together will be split apart. its hard bc i want to spend my life with you, and seeing you with another person will be one of the hardest things for me to swallow.
you broke my heart before, that was the toughest thing for me to deal with bc in that moment i realized that even though you're with me, it was that easy to lose you.
you told me that if you do find someone, you'll be afraid to tell me. that hurt me more than anything bc you should never be afraid to tell me anything. you said that you didnt want to hurt me and didnt want me to go into a deep depression or something. to be honest, its gonna hurt no matter what, and i probably will cry for you, but itll only hurt me more if you dont tell me. i cant imagine you hiding something from me, and i just couldnt live with the fact that you'd be dating behind my back, only to protect me. i can handle the truth, i have dealt with it so many times before.
ive been thinking about what you said all day, about how your friends even noticed. i did overreact, i wasnt trying to pull you away from reality and the guys but i just felt threatened and crushed that you could possibly leave me for a long period of time. i know ill see you sooner than i know, so i cant hold you back from anything. do the guy thing, chill out with them for a while, the entire time ill only be thinking of you.
some may call us friends with benefits but i feel we're so close thats it would do us an injustice to say that. sex does change the relationship,i hear what you're saying and i believe you. i just want so bad for my first time to be with someone i love and care for deeply. i wouldnt be pushing for it, if i was afraid and i wouldn't continue to give you what you want if i didnt want to do this. i love you and no matter what happens to us sexually im always going to love you. you're afraid, and i understand that, im gonna wait for you, even if it does take you a long time. i just want so bad to be with you, to feel you, and to know that this moment ill never forget for the rest of my life. you always remember your first time you have sex no matter who it was with or why, and i know that if i want to look back in 20yrs, id want to say thati had sex my 1st time with my best friend, and someone i was in love with. i know that you're afraid and that you might not feel the same as me. thats ok. "we'll see what happens," isnt an answer to me, and it baffles me now. do you want to continue or no babe? i have no problem cuting out the sexual play bc your friendship means more to me than the entire world.i personally would love to continue bc you make me feel so good and it just feels so right when im with you.
sometimes i just need something from you to let me know you care. the note you wrote for me sits beside me always and to this day i cant read it without crying. once in a while babe, im just looking for a kiss, a flower from a garden, a note filled with love just to let me know that everything ive done for you, im not just doing it without you loving me. im not materialistic in any way, you know that, but i just want to know you care. remember that ring i boughtfor you? well babe it wasnt a huge amount of money, but at the time that i got it, i didnt have the money. i scraped together 2 paychecks from the week before for which i was only paid a lite some of money bc of lack of work. i made sure your ring was my top priority and i was so happy when i was able to get it. 2 weeks later my bank called me and said that i could possibly have had a bounced check bc of the phone bill i had sent in. i back tracked a little and realised that i had $2 in my account now and i wopuldnt have want it any other way bc i wanted so bad to make sure that you knew what you mean to me. even if it meant losing all my money in the process.
i was completely lost and somehow through the year you managed to help me find myself again, and become the person that i truly am inside. you've given me back my hope and my trust in others, and for this i cant thank you enough. i miss you everyday you're gone, and my heart jumps everytime i see you again. i cant spend the rest of my life without you, i know i cant. you've been my best friend through everything and you've seen more tears from me than anyone i know. when im alone with you, everything seems to disappear, the pain, the worry, the doubt, all i know is you and all i want is you. you make me feel that im the onyl thing in your world that matters. you make me feel beautiful and loved, and i wouldnt want that feeling to ever leave me. my heart is restored again and my smile is now fixed. ill always love you as my best friend, no matter what happens to the two of us. ill always look to you for everything. you are the only person ive ever met in this world who has loved me and cared for me this way and i thank god everyday that i have you with me.
thank you for leaving such a huge empact on my life. ill never forget all you've done for me. i feel as though ive been touched my an angel and you, my star, you are my angel to forever watch over me.
I'll Love You My Whole Life Baby
Thank you again
Love Always and Forever,
Your Sunshine, Your Baby Forever I Swear
"i meant everyword i said when i said that i love you i meant that i love you forever, and im gonna keep on loving you cuz its the only thing i wanna do, i dont wanna sleep i just wanna keep on loving you."