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I'm living in your letters.. Breathe deeply from this envelope
 
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Saturday, July 24th, 2004

Time Event
4:32a
Zach,
When you fell asleep, I laid in your bed and cried. I just shoved my head in your pillow and cried away the words I will never say to you. I cried the pain and the love and the emotion I can't show you. I cried because I know you might not be ready for me. I cried and only your pillow heard me.
5 ||x
6:48a
Greg's amazing, and I'm an awful, awful person.

I miss him a lot. He understood me a lot, haha. I miss holding his hand and feeling secure, I miss knowing I not only shouldn't but can't flirt with other guys 'cuz I'm with him, I miss our two hour long phone conversations, I miss him visiting me at work and making me smile, I miss visiting him at work and for just two seconds, making him forget how much everyone and everything sucks, I miss going to his house and "watching" a movie, I miss taking walks with him, I miss the way he kissed me, the way it showed how freaking much he cared.

But whatever I do...... I can't go back to it. Because it would be selfish, and a week later, over again. I miss him so much.

I was thinking to myself.. Years from now, I'm gonna marry a guy like Greg.

I'm just not ready for that yet.

I'm so, so sorry you're hurt, and I would take away your pain but that would just result in more pain later.

Current Mood: crushed
x
5:20p

if this was how you felt all along, why didnt you tell me before charles came into my life?

our love was going on for 6 mos. then you decided to ignore the fact that i existed, so after a month i decided to move on. and now, out of the blue you decide you want to keep our love alive? dude...what the fuck. its been two months of no contact what so ever. and charles treats me like im the best person to walk into his life.

why cant i tell myself you're a dumbass. i know i love you, but you treated me like shit. and i know i want to move on, but i cant.

this weekend him and i are hanging out.... im so stupid. and im so sorry charles. i promise you nothing will happen. i <3 you for being you. and treating me awesomely.

oh.. this is for the mod   important questionCollapse )

Current Mood: determined

4 ||x
8:02p
Dear Ben,
I hate you so much. All my personality is gone because of what you did and I fucking hate you for it. Your picture is collecting dust in my nightstand drawer and I got up the guts to look at it today. Now I can't even look at my fucking nightstand. Why didn't you leave me alone? Why did you have to lead me on the way you did?
Now I'm just going to crawl into my bed over in the corner and sleep the rest of the evening away while remembering of all that pain you caused back in November. Yeah, the same pain I've endured for eight months. What did you see in me that made you decide to pick me up and drop me?
I hope you're fucking happy now.
x
9:43p
Dear You,

I have told you so many times not to do that. And you listened, which i was greatful for. I told you that when my ex boyfriend did that to me, i shoved him off and was totally violated. And you never did it to me, and i was so thankful that you would actually listen....


..But then you didn't. you touched me in a way that i have always hated. you did the exact same thing that my ex boyfriend did. i told you dont and you did it anyways. I hate you for that. You disrespected me. You didn't listen. I will always hate you for that...

..even though you did it, i still love you. Because you are you, and although i dont have the courage to tell you that you hurted me I forgive you. Just please dont even do that to me again, even if it means youll think less of me. But i hope you understand.
x

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