July 23rd, 2004

(no subject)

to my baby, the one ill always love,

its so hard for me right now. so hard to look at you and see that pain that you held before. i re read your journal, the one that dated back a year ago exactly. i read what she did to you. I read what she said. How you were just playing the victim, how she hated you for what you'd said. Baby you had every right, to feel the way you did. she cheated on you, she made you cry. you had no need to apologize, every word you said was true. you didnt want to be friends, she threw it back in your face.
shes an evil person, someone that no one wants to encounter. and i know its hard for you to look and see now, but you were right.
i want to be there to hold you when you fall, i want to kiss your fears away and make it so you dont have to worry anymore. i love you with all my heart and i just wish there was some way i could tell you this. tell you that ill never hurt you the way she did.
you mean the entire world to me, and to see that you were hurt so bad and completely helpless, it makes me mad that i was unable to help. it angers me that that girl you had once called your friend had betrayed you and let you with nothing but a broken heart. she angers me and no matter how much i wanted to say something to her, it just wasnt gonna be worth the pain you went through.
im so sorry that i couldnt be there to help you, i know a broken heart isnt the best experience in the world.
baby, itll take time to get over, but i think that you're more than halfway there.
she means nothing to you anymore and i know that there will always be that part of you that hurts because of the pain she put you through. im here now babe, and i promise that ill do anything i can to patch that void and make it so you'll love again. even if you and i dont end up together and your love carries you somewhere else, ill always love you and ill always be happy that you've found your love again
ill love you my whole live baby i promise
Love always
your sunshine.
ps- you were the only person to stand me on my feet again and believe in me, love me so much. i thank you for all you've done, and i hope that one day, ill be able to do the same for you. <3 ill always love you baby, no matter what happens, you'll always be in my heart.
  • Current Music
    all apologies- Nirvana

(no subject)


I miss you. I haven't seen you in weeks. Do you think about me like I think about you? I hope not. Because recently all I think about are my doubts. I just want to see you and know everything's going to be ohk.

  • Current Mood

Forgive me

Dear Tyler,
I have no idea how it happened. I thought I had my sheild up but I guess I was wrong. One day. We saw one another just for one day and I already see the struggle we're going through. I'd love to be with you but I can't. Too many are waiting for me to fail.
You asked why I hated you and I couldn't answer. Well here it is, I like feeling strong but when I'm with you I get weak. In the heart, the knees, the body.
Like I said I wish I could be with you. But I can't.
Not now. Not ever.

  • Current Music
    John Mayer CD
I love Moulin Rouge.

Woo, three.

Can you read my mind? Do you know what it is you do to me?

Dear _____,

I just have to let go.  I used to cry when I heard the Eels - 'I Need Some Sleep' because of the repeated line: you just gotta let it go.  But now I listen a lot, because I know it's right and I do have to let you go.


Dear ______,

I'm not saying I hate you, you just stir something up in me.  Makes me WANT to hate you.  But I can't, cause that's too mean, would cause problems and I'd regret it later...... and because I just don't hate anyone.  Just stop hinting like that.. talking in that low voice... I hear you, and I don't like it.  It hurts me.


Dear ______,

I don't understand you at all.  Why? Why do you fit around me then but online has to be so complicated? Just take us back to the start, make it all simple.  It's not as hard as it feels!


(no subject)

Dear Dad-

Why do you have to ruin every conversation we have by asking questions that lead me to think you consider me to be fat? I hate it, and sometimes I'm so close to thinking I hate you, too. You'd think you'd be somewhat nicer since you want me to come visit so bad, and maybe even move down there with you, but all you're doing is making me wish you'd moved farther away.

Why are you doing this? To me? To you?

You say you moved down there to get away from everything, your job, your stress, but what are you doing? You're getting right back into your job, hardly making any money to live off of, and driving yet another daughter away.

You always told me I was your last hope, but what have you done? You've gone away without me, hardly taking into consideration how big of an impact it was going to have on me and my life. Sure, you say you did, but how much?

Not enough.

-Your Last Hope

(no subject)


We're over now. And I know that I've been having doubts for a month or more, but I can't put a name on the feeling I have right now. When you told me you thought we should break up, I didn't know what to say, and I guess that's why I came across as if I didn't care much. And I don't? Or do I? It's hard to make up my mind, because as I sat there I tried to think of all the bad things so I could maybe hate you, but that's just it. It's like I can't remember anything about our relationship, good or bad.

I'm rambling and have no idea what I'm saying, so I'll stop here.


one step closer

to the one, (you know who u r)
i leave tomoro, we both know this but what i dont thinbk your aware of is how hard life will be with out you in it! your my best friend and i would die for you in a heartbeat and im absoultly terrified of how i will get through this with out you. "i love you" we say it all the time but everytime i do say it i mean it a little more. who knew one person could make such a diference. i only wish i had of found you earlier. you were right there in front of me for so many years and im clueless to why i didnt see you for the amazing person you are untill now! i feel as if i have wasted so much of my time on ppl who are pathetic excuses for friends, ppl that are pathetic excuses for human beings. i kno that probably is a little harsh or perhaps just cruel but that is how life is! you have showed me that they didnt care all that much about me and what im really about. they didnt dont and never will take the time you do! i thank whatever it is that brought us together everyday cuz without you life would b so dark! you brighten my life just by being in it! i dont kno if im cryin cuz im happy your here or if im heartbroken cuz tomoro i wont be! ill have to get back to you on that! your absoulutly right, there is no effort involved in loving some1 like you! and just a little note to the one who broke your heart: YOU ARE COMPLETELY FUCKING AMAZING! ARE YOU SERIOUS?! IT AMAZES ME THAT YOU CHOOSE ANY1 OVER HER ESPECIALLY AMY! ARE UYOU DELUDED? YOU WILL LOOK BACK ONE DAY ARE REALISE WHAT A HUGE MISTAKE YOU HAVE MADE AND I ONLY HOPE IT WILL BE TOO LATE. SHE WILL BE HAPPY WITH SOME1 ELSE. WORDS CAN NOT EXPLAIN WHAT I WANA SAY! I WANA SHAKE YOU TILL YOU COME TO YOUR SENSES BUT WHAT GOOD WILL THAT DO! ALL I AM SURE OF IS THAT THAT WAS QUITE POSSIBLY THE BIGGEST MISTAKE YOU MAY EVER MAKE! AND WEN U DO REALISE I HOPE YOUR WORLD FALLS TO SHIT AND YOUR HEART SHATTERS AS SHE WALKS PAST WITH SOME1WHO REALLY DESERVES HER! dude i love you with everypart of my being and i seriously want you to kno that if u ever really need me ill be back here wit you before your first tear can hit your cheek! that i swear!
  • Current Music
    the used

(no subject)

Dear Liz,

You confuse me. I didn't understand your comment on my journal at all. Are you mad at me or something? I don't even know you, I haven't done anything to you and I'm genuinely confused.

But that is probably what you intended from the start, so I guess I'll never find out. You meant to get my attention and you did. Please explain though, I'm lost. I guess I'm not as smart as you.

-the other Liz
  • Current Music
    The Beatles-Here Comes the Sun