i dont think you truly realize how much i miss you. you're someone incredibly special. unlike anyone i've ever met before.
but, much to my dismay, you're on tour. for a long time. when i got to see you at warped tour, i melted. i remember when you smiled. and said that you remembered my pink ribbon i wore in my hair the first day we met at a show you did in dallas, i wanted to cry, but laugh all at the same time. you give me butterflys, which is something i haven't felt in such a long time.
i loved how we hung out. and i loved when you kissed me. and i loved watching you attempt to skate board.
i miss you. i miss your imperfect tooth. i miss the way you sing. i miss your hair. i miss the way your so soft spoken. i miss your corny jokes. i miss your hugs. i miss the way you call me sweetheart.
i know that youre happy, and that we'll meet again someday...
I havn't talked to you in over 3 months. I hope you're doing better, that all those bad things that used to happen to you have made you stronger. Since I havn't talked to you, i've been remembering the times that we used to talk... about anything. We talked about space, whats beyond this world. You shared your music, and got me to love a lot of good bands that I still love, even now, after what you did. We shared our pasts, and we told each other things that we have never spoken to another person (besides our parents of course) We talked about The Big Bang theory, and the subject behind Angels and Demons, which you said reminded you of me. I hated anyone who said it was a horrible book, which I now realize it was. I remember when I saw the book, and I freaked out. I was depressed for the rest of the day, just remembering how close we were... look at us now. I remember sending you an important IM that went unanswered because you were "busy". I reminisce on all the days that I needed to talk to you, and I was on the edge, and then seeing that dreaded "busy" sign again. You were always too busy for me, and I took it as you telling me that you were too good for me. I was below you. I still feel that around any guy. I can't get close or tell them how I feel because I think they'll leave me, like you did. And forget about me, like you did. I loved you, and you never even took the time so say more than a, "Hey, whats up?" to me. Even that drove me insane. Now, any guy that says so much as a "hi" to me, I basically fall in love with. Thanks Ryan. For hurting me. And if I never get healed, it will be your fault. Thank you.
dear you - i can't beleive after all this time i still have feelings for you. you are my friend. you are just a friend. and it's clear now that that's all you will ever be to me again. you are the kind of friend that has the good advice, the kind of friend that cares if my heart gets broken. sometimes you don't show it all that well, but i know you do. chances are you won't even see this, and if you do, i know you won't even think it's about you. but i wanted to make it clear to myself, and write it down, that i care about you. and sometimes when it's late at night, and im laying in bed, you're the first person that comes to mind. i try to picture myself being with you, and the picture in my head is clear. with you i am happy, and you are happy. and we both are smiling. i know in my heart that the picture in my head will never be reality, and im okay with that. as long as we are friends, im okay with everything.