I don't know how to express my feelings into simple words, and I've tried getting through to you with my this gibberish coming from my mouth, but I don't ever think you'd come to understand how much I do truely love you.
I never told you how much I cared about you, from the beginning. & when I did, it was an honest mistake. If I never told you how much I liked you there wouldn't be so much heartbreak and confusion. I really only started being your friend this year, and you actually came to me with your issues and you trusted me, and I thought you respected me. After seeing you go through 3 girls who were completely unfaithful and players, you finally realized how much I do truely love you.
Well. Thats what you said.
You knew I was different from other girls, and wouldn't give myself up within one week. You told me you would wait for me. but you didn't. You broke up with me, because I was different. I spent 2 years thinking about you, and after one week, it shattered.
When you went off that day with my best friend on a school sport, I didn't think anything of it. I knew you guys dated like 4 years ago, and there was nothing left, I just don't get why it took you 1 day to notice her fake make-uped face. & 2 years to notice how good I could be to you. You liked her more right? You did ask her to grad, and made out with her infront of me.
But oh know, you wouldn't date her because you had to choose between me and her, and being the bitch that she was, she didn't care about our friendship. & you didn't care about breaking it up.
Meanwhile, on saturday night her and I were talking on MSN, and you log on, and tell me you got drunk and fucked a pregnant chick. How in gods name could you do that? yeah, she was only a one night stand, sure whatever.
I still don't know why, and I'm still in denial. & after all that I STILL love you.
But you picked me. After I told you not to.
I told you I was giving up on you, I told you that all I wanted was for you and her to be happy.
Why didn't you listen?
Now that you picked me, I'm still not ready to give myself to you, though you want me to. You have lists of girls waiting for you, and you still hold onto me. I held onto you for 2 years, and just when I let go, you won't let me go. I want to go. I want to be free. I want to breathe without thinking about you. I want to get on with my day, instead of worrying about how your fucking up at that very moment.
I want to be respected, and honest. But I can't turn to you for anything, but you can always turn to me. It was a mistake to ever tell you I liked you, and it would've been better if we were only friends.
But now I'm so far into this hole and I can't get out. I'm caged. & I want you to let me go. I'm not sure how much more depression and heart break I can take. Now everything you do that would hurt me, I'm expecting it. It's like I'm in 24/7 depression and paranoia because you don't that you've hurt me, and probley will hurt me, in so many ways.
I turned to music for everything, I spilt my heart out to you but you still don't understand me. You still don't respect me. How can I love someone who doesn't respect me? it doesn't make any sence. You're putting me through so much, and even by writing this I have a feeling theres so much that I feel that you'll never know because I don't know what it is, but its still weighing down my shoulders.
The problem is, I can't give you up. You're apart of my life. You're half of my heart. You're all I think about. You're all I love... and all I hate.
After everything you've done to me, I don't know what to do about anything anymore, my feelings are always mixed up and mysterious. You're always blaming me for things, when you good as hell know it's your fault too. I don't know how I can make you understand, it's like when you're with other girls, you don't seem to think I notice what you're like, you don't think about me, or how I'm going to react.
You can get jealous over all the guys who've liked/like me but you know I'd NEVER EVER go with them.
But you and I both know, that you'd leave me in a split second if anyone of those girls who've lined up to be with you, offered you sex or a blowjob or anything, that you'd forget about me.
Out of our love, and our friendship.. I only ask for one thing..
I want you to let me go.
I think I really needed to get that out, though I'll never show him this. It was a great way to say how I feel. Thanks.