July 15th, 2004

had to get this out of my system

dear you

i cant believe you did this to me. you aren't the same person i fell in love with. what happened do you? what happened to us??

remember the good times? they mean nothing
all the writings on our bridge, stating how much i love you.
our first kiss, our first date, the first time you held my hand
it all means nothing.
you mean nothing to me anymore.

i fell in love with someone who was different than all the rest. but the true you came souring out. you're no different the rest of them. you follow the crowd, that makes me SICK. you make me sick.

i fell in love with you. and i fell hard. but that was then..this is now. i'm sorry i ever met you.

i just hope that when you think of me, you regret all of this. i hope you remember all the good times, and all the love we shared.

and then i hope you choke on the "i'm sorry" you'll throw my way.

you're nothing but a fleeting memory.


(no subject)


I hate you. No, seriously. I'm not kidding. I think you suck. The sound of your voice makes me want to stab myself in the side of the head with a pencil until I go deaf or give myself a lobotomy. So please.... just shut the fuck up already. I'm past the point of caring about your married boyfriend, dysfunctional family, or the latest rumor about who you're sleeping with that you're the only one perpetuating. So do me a favor. Kill yourself. Or kill me. At this point, I don't care which one you choose. Either way, I'll welcome the peace and quiet.

-- nai --
  • Current Music
    Got the Time ---- Anthrax


Thanks for making me feel like the only one.
You made me feel so special.. I actually believed you when you told me you "really loved" me. I gave you my fucking heart. MY WHOLE FUCKING HEART. You break it into tiny little peices..and those peices still love you even though the damage you have caused. Im like an emotional stress case. I cant sleep. Im not hungry any more, Im running out of tears, but they still keep coming. You were my first love. You made me trust you! I believe every word you told me! And I never thought you would do this to me. Not like this. I gave my heart to you. You know Ive never done that before. You told me you loved me, that I was the "the only girl for you". Then this. I don't even know why really. Why your doing this to me. You PROMISED you wouldnt end this. YOU PROMISED. YOU MADE A PROMISE TO MY HEART. And my heart believed you. Every word I uttered to you... I ment. I fucking ment. I wasnt bullshitting you when I told you I fell in love with you. I hate how you wont understand how I am feeling. How I gave you everything of me, trusted everything with you.. and tehn you pull this on me. I dunno what I am suppose to do. I wish I could change your mind. I wish.

If I knew you were going to do this to me... like this.. I would have tried so hard not to fall for you. I would have never given you my heart. I wouldnt have given you that other thing.. that thing I can NEVER get back. The thing you took. The thing I let you take. Because I trusted you. I love(ed) you Charlie Swiatek.
  • Current Mood
    depressed depressed
♥ __i sew myself shut

(no subject)

Dear you,

When I look back and think, it's scary how much I trusted you. It's like I bet my whole life on you. And I lost this 'bet', loosing everything I ever had and all the trust I probably ever will have. You dug me this hole and I vouluntarily sat in it; now I can't get out. The few times I see you around, I know you're watching me, I can feel your eyes locking onto mine. Why did you make it that way? You knew I didn't have much, and you knew you were the only one I trusted. And I hate myself for ever thinking that I could trust you. Everything you said to me, I believed, I took it to be for real.
I hate you.
  • Current Mood
    sleepy sleepy

(no subject)

Dear Ana,

Sometimes I think you're my best friend. You always seem to be there for me. You're my pride and joy, and you make me feel so pretty. I never want to lose you.

But sometimes I just wish you would go away. I know you're hurting me, whether or not I'd like to admit it. I know you're the reason I'm so miserable. I just want to let you go.

But I can't. I think that now you've really got hold of me.

And I don't think I'll ever be able to let go.
  • Current Music
    Behind Blue Eyes - Limp Bizkit


To everyone in his fucking family,

If you don't know anything, then don't pretend you do.

I'm in fucking awe you would fucking say anything, ever, since you're so fucking stupid.

All you did was push me farther from him, and I thought that was getting close to impossible, but no, I'm farther now then I have ever been.

I want.. No, I fucking need you all out of my fucking business all of the fucking time. I'm fucking suffacated. And you have no idea how badly I want to fucking hurt you.

*shaking with rage and crying*

Great job, fucktards. You can blame yourself for this now, too.

</ /3 so much, Susan
  • Current Music
    Matchbook Romance

(no subject)

Dear Parents.
I don't care if I'm acting selfish out of the moment, because in my opinion, I'm clearly NOT.

I don't want to leave one the 6th, I want to elave on the 9th, the day we were SUPPOSED to leave. YOU KNOW, REMEMBER YOU SAID IT YOURSELF. ANd now, you go and decide to have an extra weekend at the beginnning of the vacation, therefore me not getting off my braces, and having my birthday home? THANKS ALOT. Since when is "I will pay for my own ticket or I will pay for the price" difference acting selfish? I have a job, I can full well afford the price difference of a ticket. I personally would rather have my braces off for this trip, rather than have them on for the reunion, and for my birthday.
AND ANYWAY, what is the point of coming back home the DAY before my birthday. This is my sixteenth, remember, didn't you want to make it special? WEll how the fuck am I going to make is special, jetlagged and pissed off at you for ruining everything.

I have metal in my mouth that should be gone, and my birthday will suck. AND FOR THAT MATTER, SO WILL THE REST OF THE SUMMER.

  • Current Mood
    annoyed annoyed

(no subject)

Dear Ryan,

I'm sorry for being so selfish. I'm sorry for ever thinking that you'd abandon me.

I'm sorry things have been going so shitty for you over there.

You're not worthless. So you joined the military because you didn't sign up for other scholarships - procrastination's a bitch. At least you want to amount to something, unlike all the other fuckfaces from CV that go on to live in a trailer park their whole lives.

You're going to serve your military duty, we're both going to college, and then we're getting a house on the beach in Rhode Island, or an apartment overlooking the Golden Gate Bridge.

In 4 years, we'll be together again. And I'll love you more than anything.

  • Current Music
    "Exploder" -Audioslave