I'm living in your letters.. Breathe deeply from this envelope|
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Wednesday, July 7th, 2004
I know I've told you a million times, but I often wonder if it ever really sank in. Do you even know how much knowing you has impacted my life? I can't even begin to describe the feelings that overcome me just thinking about. I often wonder what my life would be like if I hadn't met you and hadn't found Jesus. You are one of the only people in my life that has completely changed me. I mean, everyone makes an impact at some point for some reason.. but you helped shape me into the person I am today and I think that's so amazing. I am so grateful that God brought you to me. I always think back to the first year I went to Inside Out with you and how it completely changed my life. I feel like crying right now because I'm so overwhelmed. Gosh, I owe it all to you. I know- I owe it all to God really.. but you listened to Him, and answered the call, and put your faith in Him-- and in me. This shy little sophomore who was like clay in your hands. And you had enough strength and courage to mold me into the amazing person I have become. Words can't even begin to describe the gratitude I have.
I have to be honest- it pains me to see that life has caused you to question your faith and how you live your life. I often think about you and wonder how you are doing. Tonight I was looking at your myspace profile and I thought.. gosh... I don't even know you anymore. I don't. We've both changed.. we've grown apart. It's inevitable, it happens. I was really excited to have you move back to NH, but the more I thought about it the harder it was. Because, it's hard for me not being best friends with you anymore.. not seeing you all the time, and not going to Moongroov shows. Not being who we used to be. I mean- that's kinda dumb on my part.. we haven't been that way in almost 5 years.. but I am that silly girl who clings to the past. My point is-- I was kind of grasping the idea that if you were in FL there was a reason we never hung out--- because you were 1200 miles away. But when you moved to NH, I knew I'd never see you anyway. And it was hard because this time there was no excuse. I lived in the same town but we still didn't have time for eachother and I think that was hardest for me. There was no more excuses.. I just had to deal with the fact that we'd both moved on and away from eachother. But I want you to know that no matter what I am so thankful for you and will always love you and be there for you. I am so proud of all you have accomplished and the life you have lived. I only hope for the best for you, and it makes me smile to see that you are still holding onto God. Don't ever lose the gifts you have been given Tammy. Don't even lose your relationship with God. Because in the end that's all that matters. And know that no matter what happens, I will always be here for you.
Love, LyndzBinz Current Mood: contemplative
|BIG BAD BIRTHDAY FUCK UP!..=[
you are doing it again making me fall for you, u kissed me tonight and we knew i was the worst thing ever but we both continued u told me u cared for me and always did jus like u always say, u no im in a relationship and ur in one too see but u can tell aly, im scared to tell christo u dont no how he is..omg i cant believe i did this...jon told us we were meant to be tonight he told us to forget our other relationships but i no how u are with aly its like how i am with you she fucks with ur head and u fall for cuz she was ur first love as u are to me i dunno we totally fucked up my birthday but i loved every bit of it in a way...
im willing to risk u hurting me just sos i could be with u longer..
Dear ryan partick,
I don’t know y I didn’t tell u while we were together. But I loved u very much and I still do. I wish we could still be together. But we cant. Im sitting here reading the old poems u wrote me. Im looking at old pictures of us. Im listening to our songs. I miss heaing ur voice. I miss seeing ur voice. I miss being in ur arm. I just realy miss you. I know ur not gonna see this at all, but im getting out what I couldn’t get out b4. I know its too late, but…….ryan where did we go wrong?!?
Love always and forever
p.s. I love u + miss u.
Current Mood: disappointed
i asked my friend Adam for advice, and he said not to be stuck on you all summer and that i should try to find someone new. but i can't. my heart won't let me, and it's driving me crazy. every single day i ask myself, "Why did I ever let him go?..." i hope i see you soon, so i can see if i still love you like i always have. i hope you haven't changed, but change might not be bad. i love you so much. later.
i've been missing you ever since we heard the news. i can't believe that you're gone. i wanted so much to wake up from this nightmare and see your face, but i can't. everyone i know misses you Max, you were the person that made our lives whole. there will always be an empty spot in my heart shaped like you. i love you so much Max. you're an amazing person. make sure to watch over Terra, Chelsey, Torie, and everyone. we'll always love you Max, no matter what. fly high, sweetheart<3 R.I.P.
It's 1:30 here in Georgia, so that makes it about 10:30 wherever the hell you are. I know you landed in Las Vegas and you're driving to Arizona. Did you ever decide if you were staying in Las Vegas for a few days or Pheonix? Oh god, listen to me, I sound like I'm crazy.
So you come back next Thursday. That's 8 days. 8 days that I won't see you. Well I guess I'll have to get used to it because once you get back, I'm leaving for two weeks.
I miss you already, and it's not like we haven't gone a day without seeing each other. It's just the fact that you're all the way across the country, and I don't know when I'll get to talk to you. You said you'd call when it was 9 in Georgia. Well I'll be home, I promise.
I miss you, Goofball.
Behind the lj cut is a promtional banner. View if you'd like, or simply disregard this post. I'm putting it behind a cut so it doesn't mess with everyone's friend's page 'cause I'm a nice person like that.
( PromotingCollapse )
BG, my Goma,
You still mean everything to me. I can't explain. I'll try but I won't succeed. It's just like... When I'm with you, it's perfect. But I feel miserable when you're not there... Always. Not because I miss you, but because you deserve better, because I know what will happen and it breaks my heart. I'm sorry I had to break yours. <3
</ /3 Your Nasus
You're going pretty okay right now, yet still I have this bad feeling. My heart feels heavy most of the time these days and for no reason. Are you about to throw something heavy my way ? If so, please do it soon or just take this feeling
off my chest.
Me. Current Mood: gloomy
Dear my true love,
Today was one of those days where everything reminded me of you. I turned on the tv this morning, only to find a show starring a character with your name. I go shopping only to find pink shirts that I like...pink reminds me of you. It always has, always will. You'd be surprised...I drive past your house about twice a week.
Anyway, I'm writing this letter to you because my life is about you. Here's a toast: to you; my life:: its to the nights i spend lying awake, crying for your arms around me. its to your smiling eyes, which i see on everyone. its to 'our' table at the mall food court, the one where you said, "You are too sweet, I love you." its to the night in the church parking lot...where all we did was cuddle in the backseat. its to to way i have a special catergory for you on my buddy list entitled "LOST LOVE" and how you never signed on, because you blocked me in January. its to how i think every day how we will someday be together again.
remember those days when we planned out our lives? how we knew how everything was going to be? you knew everything, everything about me. and i knew the same about you. you loved me all the same. i still love you.
heres to the cold, january night in 2003 when i put my arms around you and we first realized we were meant for eachother. heres to the way we talked for 10 hours every day because we couldnt see eachother. heres to tonight: another day has ended too soon, leaving me with the memories of us. will we ever be again????
heres to you... Current Mood: nostalgic
♥ always and forever,
stop asking if you're good enough and if this is really happening again..because it is. so don't mess it up this time like you did the last.
you're mind & your heart