July 6th, 2004


I the coy mistress

To you,
There were times when we wern't talking that i sat and thought of you, perhaps what it would be like if i called and we got back together. I was still a baby then and you offered me not just yourself but your two girls aswell. Unfortunatly you didn't offer me love, so i left.

Now a full year later we begin to talk again. You have someone in your life who i have come to adore. I dont want you anymore i dont need your love. So why burn me with remarks of it? You told me you love me now and its too late for us. I confronted you and you explained how she is your soul mate but you still adore me. I cant beleve you got jelous when i kissed another man or even tried to make me feel guilty for it.

I dont want to be the other woman either, but sometimes when your lips touch mine fire trails in my soul. Im sick of your hands on my body and i'm sick of feeling like i'm lieing to your girlfriend. Your like an addiction and i find it harder and harder to deny your advances. You've awoken my longing from a year gone and to what end? to always be that consolation prize in the shadow, for whenever she wont satisfy your needs. I feel like i deserve more than that, more than your taunts and teasings. i certainly deserve more than to be a toy on the side. I dont want you anymore,

Maybe thats just a little lie to you, but a big one to myself. I wish i had the courage to walk away from you again.

  • Current Music
    Bring back the sun - Our lady peace

The mistress that is no longer coy

dear you,
WHY DID YOU DO THAT! I am now offically a horrible human being all thanks to you. I cant belive that after ten minutes with you you pushed my buttons and i was unable to say no. I fucked you in your girlfriends house! my god, I cant belive im so weak willed. I cant belive you create that disrispect for people within me. I have never been selfish untill obviously now. I care about her, how can you honostly expect me to look her in the eye from now on. I cant decide if i hate you or love you.... Your ment to be one of my best friends but now finally i'm your whore. Are you god damm happy now! I want to curl up in a courner and cry, because i cant decide whats worse, that it happened or that i liked it untill i was away from you. I realised in that moment of passion that its too late for me, thank god im not relegious.
  • Current Music
    Kriptonite - 3 doors down

(no subject)

Dear Ryan,

I just read through all of your old emails. I don't know how many times I can say this, but I miss you like crazy.

I'm going to cut it off here, because I'll just be saying the things I've said so many times before.

I love you still, and more than ever.
  • Current Music
    "Beyond Electric Dreams" -Bad Religion