i hope you're happy.
you've fucked up your life.
what does she win johnny?
a shitful of emptyness.
just... suffocate yourself or something why don't you?
Dear you again,
Today, in the morning, I woke up with the hope that we were going out to breakfast. Well, I found you online and you said, "I don't feel like doing anything today." You couldn't even come over and see me. You didn't want me to come over and see you. Why? Because, apparently, you didn't feel like it. I was crushed. Every minute spent without you, I feel alone and worthless. Because you make me feel worthless when we're together anyway. At this point in the day, I hate you. I call my best friend and he comes over. You call, get mad and say, "Well you're probably fooling around with him." And I say, "You know I would never do that." And that is the truth. Nothing has ever happened between he and I.
But it's different when it's you with other girls, isn't it? When we're on the phone, you say, "Oo, this girl is ugly, she just sent me a picture online." I think to myself, "What the hell are you doing online with other girls when you have me? You say you love me." As if you read my mind, you say, "I love you though." I respond with a, "Really? Sometimes I wonder." Eventually I said it back though.
I hate the way you want me to sacrafice the friendship I have with my best friend for you. I hate the way you threaten me with, "We're done unless you aren't friends anymore." I keep finding ways to say, "I'll do it tomorrow" but those excuses are wearing thin. You tell me, "How dare you defy me?" Well, I don't know how I do either, it's hard. It really is.
You always seem to redeem yourself though. You call again. The first thing out of your mouth is, "I love you, Christie." Of course I believe you. Then you sing to me. You made up a song, it went like this: "You are so beautiful, your voice makes my day bright, roses are red, violets are blue, I love you Christie, I really do." It didn't rhyme at first, and you don't have the best singing voice. I didn't care. I loved it. You told me you loved me about 20 more times. It broke my heart in a good way.
Now you're back on my good side. Oh yeah, and by the way...I think I love you too.
I know you weren’t the one who broke it up. It was me but you have a funny way of tearing my heart into shreds. I try so hard to hate you. To try to move on but I can’t stop thinking about you. You are the only one I could really talk to and now you don’t want to think about me. For all I know you might even hate me. I know I could never have the same feelings for someone as I did for you I’m happy I even had them once but I need to move on. Don’t think by talking about Sonny makes me love him more than I ever did with you. Or that I have forgotten about you, because I haven’t. I probably won’t feel so madly in love with him because you are on my mind and I’m trying to get you off. As much as I try to seem like I’m not interested deep down in a way I really am.
love hate you…I think