June 30th, 2004
I miss you.
I LOVE YOU <333
I am so juvenile, you have let me go, as if I am complete and ready to experience the intact world at the palm of my hands, upcoming the hope that I will make the right mistakes. Exposed. And already fatigued. I have to speculate how that can make you ecstatic. You’re lined and serviceable, in drug oblivion.
You‘re on cloud nine. Because of everything, anything but me.
Well, perhaps I’m just mistaken, but I have run from you. Seeing as a three year old, and packing up my belongings. I’ve sat in the back seat and I‘ve watched for many hours of my life. But I don’t consider them wasted. I’ve spent a lot of time in the back seat. But not that way you think you scrutinize it. Because you’re forever invalid when it comes to me. Always.
It was your idea, that I depart. So I’ve left and you assume it’s all because of you. So, go ahead and flatter yourself.
I want to thank you, for making my years as a child obscured, and keeping me naive of the things you’ve put us all through. Maybe I was too optimistic, or just blind. But you’ve always been anxious to one day see that I’d wake up and know the world more than it knows me.
-I wish I could say, love always. Because from this point on there is no always.
i hate loving you. but i know i always will. and you know it too. and you take advantage of it. thats why i hate it.
for the past 2 1/2 years, i have loved you more than anything in the world. i have done everything for you. we have so much fun together whether it be physical or not. and i kno deep down you really do care about me and you do love me. but there is a reason why i'm not with you right now. i kno you think it's because of my parents but it's not. its because of you. what you did with her has hurt me in more ways than one. and i kno that we weren't together and you say you were drunk but that's not always an excuse. what if i did something like that. if i told you 'i was drunk' you wouldnt except that at all and it would be done. and now you want me back. you say you've realized how much you love me and you dont want to be with anyone but me. and i feel the same way but how do i trust you. how do i kno ur not gonna get sick of me after a while and then just leave. and u keep saying that i was the one who ended it and we could have been together. i ended it cause i was mad at you, not because i stopped loving you. but the thing that hurts the most, you never came after me until now. on the phone this morning you told me you thought i was over you and that i didnt want you to be part of my life. you said i dont call you as much and i dont try to see you. you have to kno that i'm always going to love you no matter what. i think i just needed this time to realize i can stand on my own. that i dont need a guy in my life to be happy. when we were together i gave up all my friends and my life just to be with you. now i feel if we do go out, we'll do it the right way this time. i'm just nervous that you're gonna take advantage of the fact that i still love you and use it to keep me all to urself. you're my best friend and that will never change. i just need time to trust you again and make sure that this time your intentions are right. i love you!
Why do I get the feeling you're lying?
Do you still love me?
You've been away for 24 days, is that long enough for you to get bored of me?
I hope I'm just being paranoid. But please contact me - give me a sign you're still in love.
I love you,
FUCK YOU first off. Fuck you for making me feel the way you do. Fuck you for calling for my help and advice and not listening. I dont even want to see you again. I tried so hard and so many times to help you. But you are beyond help, I feel guilty for saying all this. Because you have yaught me how to feel guity and you are the MASTER of guilt trips. I cant deal with your problems anymore and I cant deal with you. So call me again when you figure out your life. Because you cant keep doing this to me. I cant keep feeling this way because of these issues that keep being brought up. I remember talking to you for hours and giving you so much advice puring out my heart and really trying to help you. You did lisen for a week. Then reverted back to the way you were....So sean. Im tired of the mind games and Im tired of you. I wanna help but it's taking its toll on me
Quit being so paranoid.
Christ. You embarass me.
I want to go to Seth's party tonight. You know I won't drink or smoke. You know I won't let anyone even touch me. I just want to hang out with some of my friends.
I know you despise Seth. I mean, you know what happened between us. But we were both drunk. And it's not like he raped me or anything. Seth is a cool guy. Things wouldn't be like they were last time.
Alex, I care about you more than you could ever know. I would never do anything to hurt you. You trust me, right?
I understand why you don't want me to go. You're my boyfriend. You don't want me to be around a bunch of drunk horny guys. Who would? But I haven't seen my friends in a while. I promise I won't let anything happen. Kim's gonna be there. She'll be DD. She wouldn't let anything happen to me.
You mean so much to me. I wouldn't do anything to jeopardize our relationship. Please, just trust me. Nothing's going to happen. We'll hang out, we'll listen to music, go to "the wall", whatever. It won't be like last time.
Please, I'm asking you to trust me. I'm going to the party. I'll call you if anything happens. Don't worry about me so much.
ill keep telling myself that
its my nosy fault..
you say youre joking
hey sexy i missed you
hey sexy i missed you
over and over again in my head
why did you say those things
we sat with her last night at prom
a time when i never felt more in love with you
and now id hate to ever see her face
joking...what kind of jokes are those
maybe im fucked up
and cant understand the humour
of you telling someone else they are sexy
hey sexy i missed you