June 26th, 2004

rainbows and butterflies

(no subject)


I wish I could see you and hold you and tell you everything is going to be alright. That you don't have to fake being someone else in front of me and that I want to know the real you not the person I supposedly loved. I want you to stop teasing and ridiculing and jerking me back and forth. Treat me like a real friend not some random girl that you barely know.

You carried me to the elevator and helped me in most embrassing moment and stayed with me and held my hand. Do you not remember that? Do you think that everything we do together is not cherished? I think about random conversations we've had and phone calls and just spending time with each other.

I should be over you but all I want to know is that I was appreciated and maybe that I still am, that what i do counts and helps. But it seems like to much to ask.

I don't think we were ever just friends, we've always flirted or what not. I just want to be friends. And to be treated with the same respect that you treat your other close friends. No more lies and telling other people personal things about what we did. So they don't tease me about it later on. I see the good person in you, why else would I ruin half of my friendships because of you.

I wish people and you could see it the way I do.
I love you.

  • Current Mood
    determined determined

(no subject)

Dear John,
Why did you have to get drunk and call me saying you still love me and hate seeing me with Alex? Did you honestly think that I would go back to you? You're joking. Haha, very funny, I'm laughing, NOT. You know I like Alex. I know you two are friends, but you said you didn't mind us being together. You're such a hypocrite. You can "be in love" with my friend Emily, but I can't LIKE Alex. I don't understand you. Was it all some big joke? Trying to get a laugh? Did you want me to come crawling back so you coul drop me on my face again? No John, I'm done with you. I spent 8 months on you, and most of that time we weren't even together. I don't want to wait for you anymore. You treated me like shit. You really did. Everyone noticed it. Even Alex. And I put up with it. I let you walk all over me. Not anymore. You won't get to me. I like Alex. I'm gonna date him. You're free to date whoever you want to. Let me be free too.
Hell, maybe this was just a drunken remorse thing. I bet tomorrow, you won't even think twice about me. And that'll be damn good. Because I don't want to think about you anymore. I thought I loved you. Maybe I did. Who knows, maybe I just didn't have anybody else. But I won't sit around feeling sorry for myself. And I won't dwell on this. We don't love each other, and we will never be together ever again. I'm finally ready to accept that. You should be too.

To myself

Dear Katie,

Why do you do this to yourself? Why do you cry yourself to sleep?

You have no reason. Your life doesn't suck. Your friends don't suck. Your family doesn't suck. So why do you insist on crying yourself to sleep for months at a time? Why do you cry about stupid things?

Why aren't you apathetic? Why can't you see that you're making yourself more and more depressed because you can't pick up the fucking pieces of your life? Why do you care so much?

Why don't you just tell someone about this?

Because you're stupid. That's why.

Love from,
  • Current Music
    Zero - Smashing Pumpkins

(no subject)

Dear _____,
Why do you tell me all these things that aren't true? Is it just because you know I'll beleive them? Well, guess what..I don't. I love it how you think I'm soo stupid. How you think I don't know somethings going on. I might not know it all, but I know enough.
You're not the same person I met last summer. You're different. You look different, you act different, you sound different. Yet, I still love you.
But the thing is, it's not you that I love anymore, it's someone else. I wish you would realize all this..

^^theres one ill never send^^
rainbows and butterflies

(no subject)


Fuck I fucking hate you. You will be an awful high school facilator. Go to fucking hell. You will be trapped in his stupid idiotic spell, you call it love when you don't love him and you don't even know what Love is. You don't even know who he is. All you do is make out with him and give him all his sexual needs and that's all. There's nothing further. Fuck I'm sick of you. Deleting you from aim and lj does nothing but I don't want you in my life. All you do is make it dramatic. I don't give a shit about you. You were going to give up your virginity to him and you don't know him. I know I don't know him as well but atleast I can talk to him like a normal friend and not want to just give him blowjobs. You should see it how everybody else does, you will screw yourself over and when you go thru this stupid fucking phase again for like the 4th time. I'm not going to be there. I refuse to be there. You don't care about anybody but yourself. You know how I showed you other people's opinions all the times you couldn't see it. It's because you can't, you don't think about anybody besides yourself. How are you going to make our school better if you can't even figure out yourself. You don't know what's going on cause you are to wrapped up in yourself.

  • Current Mood
    annoyed annoyed

(no subject)


Well well, you couldn't handle not getting your way and so you ran off to seek comfort from some slut instead of talking directly to me first.

boy I feel really cherished now, thanks for making me feel like a f***ing criminal man, I owe you one.

oh yeah, next time you need somebody to talk to, go bark up some other girls dress you sick bastard. I hate you.

I don't ever want to talk to you again.

  • Current Mood
    aggravated aggravated