June 24th, 2004


i'm the new kid *waves*

here's one i'll never send...

Dear Teo,
I wish everything could be like it was when we were best friends and when we loved eachother. That kind of love is hard to come by. I'm sorry for not talking to you much after everything that happened between us. That night I was so confused and lost. I had wished for that to happen for almost two years, and by the time it did I had gotten it in my head that it never would. Everything was moving so fast and I just had to get away. I was confronted with everything I ever wanted in a relationship and I couldn't handle the fact that it was actually happening. You asked me to sleep with you before that night. How could I say yes to that? I wanted so much more, but you started having sex with Kara. What was I supposed to think? I had no idea what was going on. Then we tried again, tried our friendship. Needless to say things have changed. That night I actually cried. It was the first time in a long time but I couldn't stand seeing us like that. I hated us being so distant. I hated that you asked Kara to come with us. Nothing is like it used to be and I can't help but think that it's my fault.

Now you're moving away... with Kara... the girl that still has feelings for her ex, and always will. You're going across the country to California. That's where I want to go, to get away from here. I guess I just want to tell you that I'm going to miss you and I love you.

I'll never forget you, and I'll always wonder "what if?"

<3 always
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Dear Nick,

      I want to stop thinking about you. Really, I do. I hate how you don`t even care about me. I hate how you can make me laugh even when all I want is to hate you. I hate how you can just walk into the room & make me happy again. I hate how every song I hear I think of you, how everytime I watch FNSU I think of you. I always wonder what it would be like if I was what you needed.

      I hate how within five minutes of telling me you liked me you asked her out. I hate how at the same exact time you were asking me to the movies you were asking her to be your girlfriend. I`m glad she said no. I really think you deserved it.  I hope she took your heart and fucking snapped it in two, because that is exactly what you deserve.

      I hate you for being so shallow, and going for whoever is hott. I hate how you talk about other girls and ask me for tips about them. I dont want to tell you how to get them to make out with you! I want you to be asking them about me. But no. I am the friend, I am the invisible one. I`m not as pretty as them, well I`m sorry. I`ll never be like them so why do I still insist on liking you? I should just give up, but I can`t. I just can`t do it.

     And I`m sorry I`m not what you need, I try as hard as I can, but I will never be good enough.


- I wish I had the courage to send that letter. But I never will. But it feels good just to get it out.

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    pretty girl (the way)

Dear Grandma.

Dear Nana,
Thank you for taking care of me through these years of my life. Thank you for helping me grow and achieve things i would never have done without you. Thank you for watching and loving me for so many years. Thank you for shedding tears of joy when i needed you to be happy. But most of all thank you for loving me. You have taught me so much through the years we have spent together. I hate you for leaving me here alone- I hate you for leaving me without saying goodbye. But most of all i hate you for leaving me so i can never give you this note, or tell you how much i love you.
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