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I'm living in your letters.. Breathe deeply from this envelope
 
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Tuesday, June 15th, 2004

Time Event
1:01a
Dear ______,

If I could I'd remove this like the sword in the stone. But this is a sword through my heart. I want to hodl your hand, kiss you, and whisper "I love you" in your ear. Times too late now, betrayal has already come. If you want, I will walk with you out the door opened wide open for you. I will bury myself alive in the darkroom where no one would know to look. I can no longer hold your hand. I want to... but I know I must let you go. The water is up to my neck now and I am slowly drowning. Tonight is the night I die, and this is the only way do survive. I want to put this sword through you-- the same one you used for me. All I have left are notes probably filled wtih lies, that will have my red tears fall upon. I see this new color, a color unlike the ones I've seen before. Its a dark color, and at the same bright, because its hard to see in your eyes. My heart if golden, my eyes have already turned dry. Can you please save me now! I wish you could change for me the way I feel, after all you did it for me.

But I still love you...

Current Mood: bitchy
1 ||x
2:26a
You-

And there you stand
Only a few feet away
I notice my eyes fixate on you
And everything is made dull
I can't seem to hear the fucking music..my heart is speaking too loudly as it competes with the drummer
All I can feel is the pounding, and pounding
The music...the only reason I'm here
This is my escape from hell for a few hours
Damn you can take that away too.

And I feel it rushing thru my veins
This fucking curse, I pray for it to vanish, don't come back
I WON'T BE REAQUAINTED WITH AFFLICTION AGAIN
This could be the end of me

I attempt to peer into your soul
to see if your venom has drained
And if a heart took its place.
I need to know this before I risk it all.
My mind warns of danger...run- it's safer that way
but instead I follow my heart
As I gravitate towards you.

See, the second our eyes meet
My life will be changed.
Chaos will replace the order I've worked so hard to attain.
But we are close now..
I'm now standing directly behind you
But what do you say to someone you haven't seen in 2 years?
And so we meet again...
Will you be staying long this time around?
Promise me you have a lifetime to remain
If not, I must turn away
Though I already know its too late.
I fooled myself into believing the agony could replace love with hate.
I hate your eyes and your smile, and your face disgusts me

You turn around, maybe you sensed my presence
You look in my eyes, too quickly for me to look away
You smiled at me..
And your smile... a smile STILL so grand you could stop all the world.
Meet me at the beach tonight.
We can listen to the waves crash, as I fall all over.. again
And I'm as good as ashes

Current Mood: worried
1 ||x
12:56p
stupid vaccume
dear old lady,
i regret to inform you that i will not be returing to work for you any longer. actually i lied, there is no regret at all. my only regret is that i will not be earning money for school. i have hated working for you the whole time i have been there. i hate how nothing is good enough for you, how everything has to be done to your standard, which is perfect, and i hate how if something breaks you just buy a new one. i will never again work for someone who will make me cry about who i am. i am sorry that you are stubborn and cannot see that. your stubboness does not match my personality. so i will work where i will be happy. and i would be very happy to never see you again

Current Mood: cranky
x
4:23p
you...
Dear Chrissy,
Hun, you're one of my best friends and you know it. So why are you so damn set on the idea that I'm gonna leave you? Miya and I are friends... nothing wrong with that. I'm allowed to have other friends and if you can't live with that then I think it's time we say good bye. I'm not Chris. I'm not gonna cheat on you! Which is impossible anyways... I'm a girl... but that's besides the point. You're so insecure that you're making it impossible for people to be around you. I'm here for you. I'm your best friend. WHY CAN'T MY WORDS BE ENOUGH?! I've never let you down, I've never given you any reason to doubt me. Change the way you're headed... please... for the sake of our friendship.


Muchos love. Me

Current Mood: bitchy
1 ||x
5:27p
Dear Kenny,

Why do you kiss me goodbye and hold my hand and put your arm around me if you don't like me?

Okay, so you never said you didn't...but you never said you did either. How am I supposed to know what you feel? I wish you would tell me. I wish you would give me some idea. I wish I could just come out and ask.

Would it even work? Would Nicole get in the way? Would you get in the way of Nicole and I? Would the distance hurt us? Will school keep us apart? And what then, when college comes around? What if we broke up, would we still be friends?

Do you care about me enough to get past all that?

Is it worth a shot?

Regardless, I care about you. You know that. And I know I mean a lot to you. And for now I suppose that's all I need.

Love, Mic

Current Mood: lazy
x
6:05p
stab me a million times, and it wouldn't cause as much pain.

stop breaking my heart.

</3
x
7:06p
Delysa,

Why are you desiding to turn into such a fucking bitch latley? I know it's not just pms because its been going on for about 3 mouths. You piss me off so fucking bad i just want to yell at you and make you change back into the best friend i used to know.

I FUCKING HATE YOU SOMETIMES.
x
7:45p
My words to him..mylove.
Dear Bobby,
This isn't supposed to be anymore drama....I am not trying to act like a drama queen either. you just need to listen for a second,this is important. Ever since I met you..you made me feel so happy..like I was floating on a cloud. You made me believe in myself and you gave me more confidence in myself. I really did thought you liked me....I still have know clue what changed your mind on liking me/thinking I am hot. Is it because I was acting like a drama queen cause I was PMSing?...honestly...thats not how I am at all. I think I am a nice person...and I dont get mad easily. I just want to get another chance for you to know me and for me to know you...Everyday when I talked to you...I felt like my heart was growing bigger with every word you said...I had the feeling like I loved you. It might seem crazy but seriously I still do. My heart wishes you would like me again...but no one can make you..only you and your heart can make that desicion. I just want another chance. While you think of this...just remember...I will always love you.
Love Always,
Brittany

Current Mood: cranky
x
11:53p
dear... dear... dear you.

call me a masochist, but i put your picture in my bracelet. a constant reminder of you leaving. yeup. you're not even looking at the camera.

one day. one day... youll see.

-Me.
2 ||x

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