June 13th, 2004


(no subject)

Dear Chris,
Wish you new how a single smile from u can light up a room for miles...and how you make all of us laugh everyday at work. ..and how sometimes when i am doing something around the house, ill think about something u said and just laugh. i wish that u didnt feel so insecure because of your weight. and i wish that u didnt have to encounter so many shallow people in your way.. u have a great personality and u look good! i hope u dont feel like u have to settle for whoever/whatever u can get. u are so great. when u expressed interest in me, i was so happy and flattered. to think u would give ME the time of day. wowee! and then boom! of course u had to be too old for me. something had to be off course. the stars can never all align the same way and the world can never be perfect...and of course...neither could that moment. but im still glad ur in my life and i cant complain. since our office moved, we've become closer and im happy about that. i still hate my age and wish i was older b/c ive met you, and other reasons..but why get depressed over things i cant change. i still like u al ot Chris. so all those days u probably thought i was ignoring u when u walked by or i walked into the room.. u probably had it all wrong..i was most likely in such deep thought over you that.. i didnt notice the world..
but ur my world..
and..the world noticed me...
thank u for noticing me.
For the firsst time...
i*m glad the world didnt stop for me..
  • Current Music
    good charlotte album

Dear Daryl

Dear Dee,
I miss you. I really do. And I still think about you from time-to-time. A lot of people believe that there is someone for everyone. And I think I've already missed the boat. I think that someone was you. But now it's too late. I'm sorry I never gave you a bigger chance and that we never dated. I was too busy worrying about what my friends think about the age difference. And so I missed out on the time of my life, most likely. I just wanted to write this letter to you because its all I can do. I don't know where you are..what ur doing.. i still think about the day we hugged for what seemed forever. when i told u i had to go and u offered to talk to my dad and try to let me stay at that college. i remember how u kissed my hand softly like a gentleman. u always knew how to be a gentle man and thats one of the things i loved about u. but why did u tell me "it was nice knowing you"? that made me feel like it was so over and final. i wanted to try to make it work. but when u said that, i decided i didnt want to start something i probably couldnt finish, so i didnt give u my number or address. the weird thing is, i was planning on writing u a letter, but i thought u WASNT supposed to be at the college that day, so i didnt bother. BUT U WERE! was that a sign? I remember how u would sing me songs and show off and dance and u didnt care who saw. how u never gave up and u didnt want me to see you working as a the "trash boy" and how u got promoted to be one of the chefs. i remember all the dinners u bought me. im sorry i didnt go on that date..because i had to go and get depressed and have a meeting at the school with my parents. I wonder why I am so lonely now. I think you were the one. and i never ever told you this..but when u asked me if i really did dream of you.. I DID and I DO! and i never told u this either.. I love you.
..but its to late..(?) maybe ill see u again tho. (if its really meant to be?)
  • Current Music
    good char
I love Moulin Rouge.

(no subject)


I love you. more than you can ever know. So much it hurts and I really do cry every night. I hate not being able to be honest with you now. I hate everything.

I can't even write your name here. I can't talk about you in my journal. I can't mention the massive thing eating at me deep down in case it annoys you or her.

Don't know how long I can handle this....

  • Current Mood
    lonely lonely

(no subject)

dear andrew,

i'll admit it. i miss you. i miss your late night phone calls where we would talk about nothing. or our intimate and emotional conversations. i miss all the fun times we had. i miss all the little things. like when you met me before homeroom you would always brush you finger gentley on the small of my back. and the way you held my hand, always gliding your thumb up and down my hand. or the way you would rub my leg. and just the way you held me.

i miss the way i felt when i was with you. i felt invinsible. and without you i'm so vulnerable.

i haven't talked otyou in over a week and it's killing me. i mean, its only been 8 days, and i'm a wreck. and i know it's not because of you, but you wuodl always make things so much better that i can't help but think if i were talking to you i would be alright.

god i miss you so much.

i hate how your fifty miles away from me. i hate hate hate hate hate it. and i hate how much i care about you and about this and about us. we aren't even together again.

this is so stupid. i shouldn't be feeling this way. not about you. you didn't even say goodbye when you left. hell, you didn't even tell me you were leaving. i found out from my mother. i don't care if you were with whatsherface then, you cared for me still and you always have and you always will.

why do you think time after time you always come back? i just need you here so badly. why can't you come back now? i need to call you. but i have to sleep. i haven't slept in days and when i do i have all these dreams of you.

i'm so pathetic aren't i? i care for you so much and i just need you here with me. i need to be with you and to talk to you and feel like you care. you tell me you do, or you told me you did. but a lot can change in a week. i mean, who knows. you could've met someone else so much better than me (and i know how easy that is).

would you please just call me, please? all these stupid things remind me of you like "pimp my ride" and whatnot. i need you so badly. you might not need me, but i hope you do. i hope you care the way i do.

and i care. beleive me, i do.


your rebecca

(no subject)


i miss you sooo much, some times it hurts. i just want to talk to you again. i just want to tell you everything i wish i had said that night you called.

but i cant bring you back
and i hate you for leaving without saying goodbye
and for lying to me
and i hate myself for not doing more when i know i could have.

i miss you.
i love you.
i wish you were here.

i will never forget you.....

  • Current Music
    eric clapton "tears in heaven"