June 9th, 2004

funny// toaster

Jesus, Mary, Joseph, Peter! PAUL! SIMON!

Dear Matt,

get off my back. What is your problem? WHAT IS YOUR MALFUNCTION?! Why do you insist on putting me in situations where I have to give you praise for some half ass peice of crap you send me, you know I wont cause your a jerk and the stuff is crap, and you get pissed off when I tell you about it... and when I don't tell you about it. Don't tell me about your life, I'm not there I don't care, I don't want to know your job hours, or the fact that you got hit in the face with a foot ball. And don't yell at me cause I don't sound intrested when you tell me about your homework. And please don't tell me about your freaking sun burn. You live thousands of miles away from me! MOVE ON! Get a life! Stop telling me me about your patheticness. Your inhability to take are of and entertain your self does not intrest me! I don't care how long I'v known you, I don't care that we used to be friends. The last few years of your constant Bull SHIT have kind of killed the 14 years of good shit. Why do you keep bothering me? Why do you think I care? Cause I used to care... news flash I stopped caring when Star Trek Next Generation stopped playing new episodes. I hate you. There I said it. Its very uncathloic of me... but then again you allways ragged on me about being catholic, calling me a bitch, and harping on my religon, maybe if you had one you might not be such a loser! Yes you are a loser! You will always be a Loser. So just stay away from me.

I don't care any more

  • Current Mood
    aggravated aggravated

you fit more of my odd shaped peices

The distance is:

2723.0 miles

roughly. Job awaits, stuff just needs to be packed, movers rented (can you rent moving men.. or is it called something else.. I mean your not BUYING them... are you leasing them.. how strange..), then all that is needed is to wait for the day to arrive.. not long at all now.. course your in my bed.. waiting for me to wake you up.. then its off to the plans for the day and then back to bed.. ive never felt a bed that called me back to it so easily.. how come life hasnt always been this sweet.. it is as real and fairy tale-ish at the same time.. that I have always dreamed of.. your here.. and to think that I feared these days.. second guessed them.. how lil I knew.. how close to making a mistake.. im so glad I didnt.

It feels like I wasnt really living til that moment in the airport.. til the ride home.. til the first night we talked face to face.. you took everything I thought I knew about love and twisted it and turned it just so.. like this and like that.. the sonnets written thru-out the ages are bullshit.. they dont prepare a person for this.. I cant even find the cheesy sappy things to say.. i just look at you and somehow stop breathing.. but breath deeper than ever before.. both at the same time.. my heart beats slower and faster both at once.. and still.. there is the air.. still stopped.. the molecues of the world go on super slow.. time rushes by me.. but I dont notice. Thank you for the gift of you. Even if the rest of the plans never work out.. I am forever changed.. and that is worth more than I can tell you.

this isnt "in love" but it just may be the road that leads to that

Knowing you is like a rush ive waited for.. you fit more of my odd shaped peices. You get all the stupid lil things, I dont even have to explain. You finished my sentences without ever hearing me say them before. You can eat all the onions and the beans and the sushi and I will still kiss you when your done, but not after tabasco cause that just burns the forest gnomes that live in my nose. Skid across the stars, watch the thorns. "Cogito Ergo Doleo." Standing on my Tippy-toes still makes me inches off the ground, somewhere down there the world waits. Kite Boarding will never be the same.. and I get to get inked with you on your first time.

  • Current Music
    Meant to Live
It's me!


Dear David-
I'm sorry things have ended....You really do have no idea how I feel about you. This letter will not reach you. It is another of my letters to no one. Remember how your hair always gets in your face? And every little quirk and memory we have? All in a week. All will be recalled with tears. I don't want to do this. You know that. But you have no idea what my home life is becoming. My sister. My mom. Everyone hates me. Everyone hates you. There's too much hate. I just got out of the hospital. I don't want to go back on another suicide attempt. We do have something but its sucking outside influences that don't let me be happy. Because I could be happy with you. Now I'm happy with no one ...and as usual, I will cry tonight. i cry every night. Most times for no reason. Tonight I will have a reason. This is just another thing that will never work out. I hate myself.
Love, even if circustances don't allow,

im new.


i just joined.
thought i'd say hi. so.. HI.

im prob gonna write a thousand letters in this community.. :P
you can tell me to shut up if you get sick of me. lol.
..but right now im in no mood for letters..
waiting for a letter that my friend sent me..

// cammy
  • Current Music
    simple plan - happy together

(no subject)

dear you, the only one that hate has been the only word i can describe for how i feel about you,

It wouldn't be all that bad- all of this bitching that your do at me if you haddn't been someone that i actully trusted, and now you dont give a fuck, if you knew that i cared and that it hurt you would be happy- fucking happy.you.are.a.cold.heartless.bitch. your looking for reasons to create drama and fight agaisnt me- this fighting doesnt even have a POINT anymore, and it started with you not staying the fuck out of my life , its none of your buisness. you dont know half the shitt your talking about because you only asumed things, you dont know what ive thought or felt about shit, you dont know fuck all about anything in my life, dont act as if you did - and dont get in it. Now your just being a bitch, ha .. theres so much you dont know .. my best firend (use to be one of yours to) says the thing she regrets most is letting me know you, introducing us.

i wish i never knew you, and yes i know your sick and have problems and iam not heartless and dont care about it, i just could care less what happens to you now - and if it got worse i would guiltily not feel that bad, you have no clue what you've put alot of people through with your constant fighting, you have no clue ..

ill take her advice .. not care -its the only way that you stop - because you feed off of knowing it hurts people, your not worth it, i hate you, ive never said hate and ment it more then now .. ever. i hate you.

the happiest moment of my life would be to let thosse words of my tounge- tell you that. make you know it. make you understand, how much i mean them.


So this week has just been soo eventful! First a kid I like asked me out, and then my friend finally forgave me for everything me = really happy!!!

  • Current Mood
    ecstatic ecstatic

(no subject)

You are the epitome of liking someone I can never have since, in a way, we live across the country from eachother. Remember that time you told me you think it's possible to miss someone you've never met/had? Yeah well, I feel the exact same way about you. But lately it's become more frequent. Like when I was camping out on the lake, staring up the stars, I missed you a lot. Maybe someday our paths will cross, coinsidental or not, I hope it happens. I promise that if you come down here there will be a couch and some good times with your name on it. My house is always open to you... even though my parents would flip a bitch. After everything you've been through, you deserve so much. Im always here for you, and the lip is hott. I'll talk to you soon.


(I'll let you have the best of me)

(no subject)


I left the subject blank, because there aren't words to describe what I'm feeling. I guess I could try and write it down, but if it stops making sense, I blame you.

You want to know why I blame you?

I blame you because you have awakened feelings in me that I didn't know existed. Trying to explain them to anyone else, I sound like a blithering idiot. Hopefully you'll understand them.

I guess the one feeling most dominant in my emotional collection is love. I love you so much it hurts. Even when you were standing right in front of me in the woods, when you were looking in my eyes and suddenly everything seemed right, even then it hurt. It hurt to know that someone I cared about so deeply was leaving in less than 24 hours.

You have no idea how much I cried when I was writing that letter. I cried because I knew that no matter how much I wrote, it wouldn't stop time, it wouldn't stop you from leaving.

Joel IMed me today. Remember him, the one who helped you kick me and Jordan's asses at Battle of the Sexes? Anyway, out of the blue he IMed me and said, "So I heard Ryan left." I explained to him what we had decided to do, and he asked me, "How long have you guys been going out?" I replied, "A month and a week today."

Then I realized how stupid I must sound to him. I realized that if I were talking to the person I was 3 months ago, I would have thought I was stupid, too. I remembered how long ago Alicia would tell me she loved Robbie, and how secretly I thought she was too naieve and stupid to be in love. I was bitter, because all through my life I've been in and out of relationships, none of them really having an impact. I never believed a word she said when she told me she didn't care what other people thought about their relationship, she loved him.

I called her today and apologized. She forgave me.

I know how she feels now. I know how she felt when Robbie's parents forbid him to see her for months at a time. I'm kicking myself for ever thinking she was stupid. I'm kicking myself for waiting so long to tell you how I felt. But what's done is done.

Right now I'm crying again. Already, after 3 days, immense nostalgia is wrenching my heart out. I don't think I've really stopped crying since that night on the corner of Cascade and Autumn Harvest. From the beginning, we were doomed to this inevitable seperation.

They say that distance is the test of true love. I have no doubt we'll survive, but at what cost? Whatever it may be, like I said in my letter, you're worth it. I love you, more than words can express.

  • Current Music
    "Bleed Black" -AFI