"You are my cock nazi and I am your boo, and the world shall forever know us as the awesomest people alive."
I couldn't have put it any better. I don't think the world was ready for us. But, more importantly, how in the world were we ready for it? Any way you look at it there is one thing we both know for sure: we were desitined to be friends. It's one of those types of relationships that no matter what happens, how much time is spent apart, or what we say or do we both always end up back where we belong... as best friends. It's the type of relationship everyone dreams of -- even me.
"But, it's not that hard to dream, you'll always be my Konstantine."
What made you call me one Thursday night in October? The world may never know. And that's okay and I'm okay because I know you're one of those "God doesn't play dice with the universe," everything happens for a reason type people and for some crazy reason you called me or maybe it was you... you and your heart. Either way, it's okay.
How do you explain our relationship? "It's crazy, I know." Because when people ask me, "why aren't you guys boyfriend/girlfriend?" all I can do is sit there and smile. I smile from the satisfaction of knowing we are best friends. When ever I talk about you or hear or see you it's all I can do to keep myself from smiling with the grimmest satisfaction about how much you love me (read: the "it's national I LOVE TESSA DAY!" text message). You make me feel like one of those girls you see on TV with all the cool guy friends that all the other girls hate because *swoon* they are so hott and you pay attention to me and you are loyal to me and not them. "There has been no other girl that has ever been able to integrate our group like you did, Tessa." Thanks for officially making me "one of the boys." How do we explain to people that we are in love but not one of those "hey, we kiss" type loves? We don't. We can't. We just do. Me gusta con todo mi corazon.
"Wow, so this is what it feels like to be young and in love." ("You're just jealous!")
And now, I just want to tell you how nice of a boy you are. It's so nice that you notice every single change in me, whether it's my body, how I move, the way I say something...anything. It's so nice that you forgive me for everything: the things I say that you doesn't want me to, my moods, my aggrivations, my quirks (and I know, there's A LOT tof them)...all of my flaws. It's so nice that you and I are so comfortable with each other, but that everything we do, even the slightest thing, is so sacred... that we can only share it. It's so nice that you and I share something that we will never share again in this lifetime. Whether that's a good or a bad thing, it's so nice to know. But, you already knew how nice you are, don't you?
And now, it's time for me to tell you how much I dislike you sometimes. For as much as you do to make a girl feel special you are, in fact, STILL a boy. And you say some pretty mean boy things to a pretty sensitive girl like: "Come over now. We're gonna go get high and drink and we need you over here because you're responsible and won't let anybody die," or, "Maybe you should wear a skirt [to Warped Tour] so maybe those legs can get us backstage, " or (possiby my favorite), "You know what the best part of our relationship is? (me: what?) Three months ago when you'd let me feel you up. Man, good times!"
I know you too well for words, Heshua. Like I know the fact that you will notice how I wrote this out instead of typing it (and my hand hurts like a mother!) and the fact that I have not sworn ONCE in this letter! And, most of all, I know how much all of those insiders ("Dude, that's scurvy!") mean to you -- even though you wouldn't show it for the world. Because I know that you don't take things forgranted. You're not childish and immature. You're rational and thoughtful. You were able to calm the once flightiness found in me and that's something you and only you will be able to claim.
Either way, I just wanted to thank you for giving me the time of my life. Thanks for showing me just how much fun you could have in a living room, or a kitchen, or a basement. Thanks for letting me your merch girl/publicist/manager when The 1985's were still around. Thanks for "protecting" me at Warped Tour. Thank you for introducing me to all kinds of great people but never wanting to encroach on all the delicate friendships I have here. Thank you for our 3 month break, because even though it was the worst, you still understood I needed it. Thanks for showing me that even though nothing's perfect, everything's worth a try. Thanks for constantly being an inspiration and never ceasing to amaze me. Thanks for motivating me to try my best and pushing me to be the best person I can be. Thanks for teaching me how to take a compliment, how to admit, and how to feel for other people. Thanks for helping me to see God and the bigger picture when all I really wanted to see was myself. Thanks for helping me to overcome my stubbornness and become more humble. Thanks for dealing with me and teaching me to deal with myself. Thanks for holding my hand and making me laugh and making me question and making me understand. Thanks for making me who I am... and should be. You really didn't have to read any of this... all you really had to read was: thank you.
Tessa Anne Coleman