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I'm living in your letters.. Breathe deeply from this envelope
 
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Friday, June 4th, 2004

Time Event
12:02a
self,

i wish you would learn when to stop. he was right. you were being immature. i understand what you meant by saying it just didn't settle. but you're better than that. so stop bitching and be happy. you're emo way too often. you think to much. you overanalyze everything. i'm sorry it all went down. i'm sorry you two got into a huge argument. maybe next time we'll know when to shut up and let something die. i hope he's alright...
1 ||x
9:19p
a letter to myself
dear me,

i hate myself. i sucked at tryouts. i could hear myself singing, and i heard myself screw up the one part of the song buy singing a little too low. i coudl hear myself mess up and i paniced even more. got im so retarded. and i could tell that she didnt like me very much. she gave me a 3 on a scale of 1-5, 5 being the highest. im just so mad at myself cuz i KNOW i can sing a LOT better then that and the directer will never know cuz i tensed up. god i fucking hate myself. this is all i ever wanted since i was little, to sing. ive done years and years of it. then ***** comes along with me who hasnt done it for as long as me and she doesnt ever really care as much as me for singing, she would rather act. and she got a 4. and she did better then me in general. im not mad at her, im just mad that someone who doesnt want this as badly as i do will most likely get in and i wont. and it just fucking hurts to know that i screwed up that ONE time, and that basically RUINED it for me. why did i have to panic, why couldnt i avoid the trobbing of my heart in my throat. damnit

me

Current Mood: sad
2 ||x

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