May 31st, 2004

my shoes

(no subject)

Dear you --

I think you're a nasty skank, and you should dissappear. You either purposely or unpurposely go for guys that are married or in serious relationships just because it makes you feel special when their attentions sway from their girlfriend/wife to you. I think that's horrible and pathetic. I've known you for almost a year, and you've never been interested in a guy who wasn't in a serious relationship or married. It's sick. You're lucky that these girls haven't been more aggressive because if you ever came after my man, not only would he laugh at you because you're fuckin nasty, but I'd have to go to prison because they'd still be finding pieces of you 30 years from now. I'm resigned not to stick my nose into this shit this time, but I just wanted to warn you. I know M. He's not like J was. M doesn't give a damn. Sure, he might cheat on his wife. But he's not going to leave his family for you or anyone else. You might think he's all into you, but he talks trash about you when you're not around. He'll use you and move on. You'll try to make a big deal out of it like you did with J to try to break them up or something, but he'll just tell his wife you're full of shit. I mean, they have kids, and he's not going to leave them for you. You're such a homewrecking little tramp, and it's gross. I'd tried to think better of you after the whole thing with J. I tried to think maybe it wasn't you're fault. But now I'm seeing that you're just playing the victim. And after M screws you then goes back to his happy family, you're going to try to call me and cry about how how he "took advantage" of you and all this. But I'm not going to be there this time. You're digging your own grave. We were ok friends. Then you tried to get with my best friend, even though you knew he was in a relationship. But you cried and I felt sorry for you, and now you're doing the same damn thing all over again. Part of me wants to go to M's wife and talk to her. But... I couldn't do that to him. I like him a lot, and I really want to believe that he's not going to be stupid enough to hook up with you, even though I know better. This is awful. Please stop now.

-- me.
  • Current Mood
    annoyed annoyed

(no subject)

Dear Past,
Why can't I get over you? somedays you are all i think about. i know i can never get you back, but yet, i seem to hang onto you for dear life. you've hurt me so much but i cant seem to forget you. i try to move on, but all our memories prevent me from doing so. they say time heals, but when will it? some days i dont think ill make it because the pain uve caused me makes me feel like giving up. but then why do i miss you so much?

But I just want you to know, that im a fighter. And one day ill bury you in the back of my mind and be completely over you. and ill laugh at all of this. I want to tell you that im with Present now. Present treats me good. but often wonders what i see in you. what makes me ignore him and keep looking back at you. One day i will be completely happy with present. and there will be nothing you can do about it. present tells me i should be happy. and i believe someday i will be happy with present.

Oh, and there's more.. i have my sights set on Future too. He doesn't look to bad to me. And i think someday we'll have a great time together. So there's hope yet for me to get over you. I made a promise that i would. We had so many great times together, but its time to stop ignoring present. and start looking towards Future as well. I love you past. but i hate you too.

Good bye Forever and Don't try to stop me.
I*m a fighter.

  • Current Music
    Smile Empty Soul ~ All of my problems

the happiest night of my life

Dear Ryan,

Last night, when you told me you loved me, it was so surreal. In a matter of 3 months I managed to fall for the one person I thought I could never have.

Wishes do come true. You've made my life worth living. I love you, and I've never felt so complete in my life.

  • Current Music
    "Santeria" -Sublime

An apology

to my friends, who i screwed everything up for:
i want to say sorry. sorry sorry a million times. i can't even say it enough to prove how sorry i really am. you all know what i did. and i don't know why i did it or what i was thinking. in all honesty, i never meant to hurt any friendships between any of us. and i know thats exactly what i did. I know your mad and/or hurt. and you have every right to be. and if you need to like not talk to me or stop hanging around me for a little bit or if you just don't want to be my friend anymore, i completely understand. i just want you to know that i still would like to be your friends, even though for awhile things will be completely akward. i never meant for any of this to happen. i messed up friendships for you guys and for myself. and for that i'm sorry to you and mad at myself. i wish i could go back in time and maybe think before i say something. i wish i could change everything. i wish that i never opened my mouth in the first place. and i wish i was a better friend. i hope that you guys can forgive me, and if you can't, thats understandable. again, i'm sorry a million more times.

  • Current Music
    howie day
i'm not...

(no subject)

its really funny, i found myself thinking about you the other day, how close we were. i wonder why you chose to act the way you did when you found out how i felt.
we were best friends and "i'm no worth your time"? then you call, and i thought i would fall back into a trap. but your words didn't bind me. you were just a person i used to talk to. i actually felt nothing.
anyway, i thought about how much you used to make me laugh, and how "perfect" you were to me. i thought about how little you meant to me now.

i wonder if you ever think of me anymore.
you know what i did today?
i helped my cousin move, her daughter left all her stuff in a closet. i sat down and started to put things into boxes and i sang. i could never sing in front of you. i just couldn't, because i was afraid of what you thought of me. what if i were to sing one wrong note? what would happen then? i sang and thought of you. so i started to sing about you. i know its stupid but all i wanted was to talk to you. i can't stop thinking about you and wondering how you feel now. there is no word to discribe my feelings daily, they all revolve around you. and day after day i feel hope, stress, happiness. i wonder how you feel. have i even crossed your mind?

(no subject)

TAURUS-Your sign is known to be stubborn from time to time. Today, recognize that other people's points of views are just as valid as your own. Also, make sure you know that your own opinion counts too! Instead of talking AT your friends, try talking TO them.