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I'm living in your letters.. Breathe deeply from this envelope
 
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Sunday, May 30th, 2004

Time Event
2:50a
-You won't see this-

You need to stop making me feel like this.
because.I.don't.know.what.to.do.anymore.
I'm not used to feeling this happy just from talking to someone.
You're an exception to the rule..
And it's so crazy the way you can make my day with the simplest little things that you say and do.
And it's just not fair.
I hate maps.And I hate that I find myself constantly doing conversions in my head. Looking at the clock. Feeling too optimistic. Too hopeful. Too much of a dreamer.
Building things up much too high.and.I hate to think of the letdown.

signed
me
x
1:56p

x
3:25p
Dear people in the community,

I just thought I'd warn you that though expressing yourself is good, people sometimes use your expressed feelings against you and start conflict. This is what has happened to me recently; someone gave a letter I wrote in here to the person I was writing to. These people are so miserable with their own lives, that they will find anyway to make your life a living hell; they feel the need to bring you down with them. They become so obssessed with finding any little thing to start conflict in your life, that they fail to realize in the end they're only hurting themselves. I believe that what goes around comes around, and each time someone does something bad and uncalled for to you, it comes back to them double.

Though this behavior is childish and most certainly uncalled for, people still feel the need to do it. My question is, why? What thrill does it really give to them, hurting someone else so they can feel better about themselves? One day they're going to mess with the wrong people, and that is when they'll get a taste of there own medicine, and get nothing out of it but there own suffering; the people who they constantly went after, on the other hand, just get to watch and laugh about it.

Current Mood: apathetic
17 ||x
7:13p
mistakes
Dear you, that guy,
So I made a some what life changing decision and now I fear it is a mistake. You're different ever since then and I'm not sure what to do. You seem distant and as if you'd rather not hang out. But then as soon as I figure something to do and we go out your nice again and it seems as if it's returned. Somehow I knew as soon as it was over that nothing would be the same and that i shouldn't have none it but you know you could have stopped it.

So once again I sit here and write to you about these thoughts running through my mind and once again I have to wonder what the hell we are. I sit in class daily and joke with people I once knew, guys who are there if I ever needed them and now I wonder if you'll be there. We share something that I'm not sure we should have shared yet, if the makes sense.

So to you I wonder what I should be doing. Should I apologize or bring it up in person and see what to do? should i walk away even though so much is a stake. Should I go through different channels to get to you. Should I still keep this to myself and not say a word?

I haven't said anything to anyone out loud about this and yet I feel as if my mind can't comprehend it. So to you I'm asking what the hell I should do. Do I mean anything to you, should I keep caring if you're happy or give up. Am I in over my head?

Sincerely and oddly
me, that girl

Current Mood: anxious
x
9:25p
dear you
you kill yourself by smoking why do you do it?
me
x

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